So last night my son was sleeping over his friend's house. I said to h, I could sleep in son's bed, you could sleep in ours so he didnt have to sleep on the couch for a change.
He said, no thanks, thats ok. I said, well, why not and laughed. I said, its not a problem, really, go ahead. He said, oh ok I guess, whatever.
So I said, yeah go ahead, you know, thats just the kind of girl I am. He laughed and slept on the bed.
Sometimes I wonder why I am so nice to someone who is doing such awful things, but as I said, thats just the kind of girl I am I guess.
When he leaves, if he ever does, he will miss me, he will realize what he had, I know this.
I am liking who I am and who I am becoming. I allowed myself to feel inadequate because of him. I allowed myself to think that my easygoing and go with the flow ways were wrong because he is so not easygoing. I allowed myself to think that his way was the right way of doing things.
So, I am embracing me. I am ok. I like being easygoing. I like not getting stressed because everything isnt perfect. I like big, huge bellylaughs. I like being spontaneous.
H is who he is. And thats ok. He is the kind of person who has to have everything done a certain way, have everything in its place at all times, has to have everything planned out and could never, ever just go with the flow.
And I like some of that too, within reason. I like things organized and neat. But, its ok if its not all the time.
So, I allowed h to make me feel that I was not good enough, not up to his standards. But, no more. I like me.
