Time for ME to change...scared as hell...

[a new 2moro]

you got to stop ALWAYS trying to get the last word in.....that would be me...i see it so clear. the fighter in you wants that last word or you are so sure will make a difference. I was too.

many will tell you do NOT rely on stages...they are merely a guidline. With MLC all bets are off. Whilr individual MLC's bear similiar traits like snowflakes no two are alike. Many WAS do choose to go back to the safety net of replay.

What we all have preached to you is your reactions have a huge impact in prolonging the crisis. Everytime he pushes you up against a wall your changes go out the window thus giving him justification for what hes doing.

He seems to also have 2 bandaids drinking & OW. right now those two things are more comforting than you.
I pray you listen to Snodderly and she can help where so many of us have failed.

[theotherhalf]

an2m,

please do not think you have failed me. You have all been life savers for me, each and every one of you. I am just a stubborn mid-old woman that has to do things MY way. I am learning...just slower than most.

and your right, I do have to always get the last word in. Not because I need to be right but because I hate it when someone is mad at me, or thinks bad of me. So I defend defend defend myself. or like you said I am so damb sure that I can fix it. WRONG!

honestly I have never read anywhere where someones WAS went back into replay so completely to the beginning after moving so far away from it. really has thrown me for a loop.

as far as H drinking it is gaining control again but still not like it was 20 months ago. and I really don't know whether OW is back or not. I know that he went there 2 weeks ago but no idea what has went on since then. I just feel that she is back again because of his attitude and actions.

[theotherhalf]

p.s an2m, glad to see you haven't totally given up on me...

[a new 2moro]

honestly I have never read anywhere where someones WAS went back into replay so completely to the beginning after moving so far away from it. really has thrown me for a loop.

thats because you put him to be near acceptance when in reality hes only been in hills and valleys of replay....maybe withdrawal or depression where it is otfen they go back to replay. your expectations were too high.

again i know you hate to hear it....but he has responded to your reactions. you have not given the him the space needed for his journey.

in all honstly isnt there somewhere you and the girls could go for a while.....you would benefit fom NC as would he. He doesnt want you in his life well hear ya go buddy....lock stock and barrel and cows too. you cant seem to NC as long as you are at the farm, you always come up with a reason to call and /or invite. So as 25yrs said to GG "hows that working for ya??"

from where we see it not very well, each cut seems a little deeper. you are allowing him to slowly kill the love you have for him in a painful excruciating way. Thats sad for all involved.

toh, only you can choose to stop that, only you can choose to put that love safely away til later when maybe he is ready to appreciate it. you need to physically remove you and the girls from his line of fire.

when i went NC iwas too at my farm but H was not allowed in the house yes his name was on the mortgage how ever he chose to leave. he came to plow and i hid from the windows , only allowed email or tm, no phone contact and he had to let me know when he was coming via tm. only phone for emergencies. he asked what if he had to go to the bathroom, i told him i would leave toilet paper on the porch and he could use a bush.

[theotherhalf]

Hi all,

Things are pretty quiet here. Haven't seen or heard from H since Sat. Well I've talked to him shortly a couple of times but neither of us have anything to say so what's the point. He is completely angry and shut off from me. The disgust in his voice is very clear.

So spending my time preparing for what may come. Telling myself if its over, maybe that's a good thing. Working on convincing myself that this isn't worth it anymore. That it's so past time to admit defeat and get on with what I need to do for me. There is no answers so letting the questions go.

Just taking some much needed healing time...

[theotherhalf]

dear friends, this is going to be a tough one. Last year on New Years H was out of state at his brothers. He called me 1-2 times a day while he was gone. So I spent it alone but it was different. This year H is around but he will not call and I will not see him.

I'm sitting here wondering how I could have been so stupid. I planned on him always being here with/for me. I made my life all about him, his family, and our girls. Now H is gone, with him went his family, I have no freinds, and the girls are old enough to have their own stuff to do.

Here I sit, alone on New Years Eve...

[glamgirl]

TOH sorry you are alone tonight. Can you find someone to hang out with? Maybe pop in a good movie and enjoy some alone time.

New Years is not that special anyway, just out with old and in with the new. Hopefully this will be a better year for you.

Happy New Year!

[job]

TOH,
It's just another day for an excuse to celebrate. If you can think of it that way, it should make it a tad easier.

Do not allow your thoughts to tempt you into contacting him. Just leave him be. Okay?

[LL44]

Do not allow your thoughts to tempt you into contacting him. Just leave him be. Okay?

Please do this!

And don't worry about being alone tonight. If it helps, I am working til way after midnight, so I have no exciting plans either. Just another day...think of it that way......take a bath, have a glass of wine, and head for bed.

[theotherhalf]

Every NYE for many many years we used to go to a motel with friends and kids, we loved it, we looked forward all year. A few years back we stopped going, then we instead had a house full of friends and family. We'd play games or cards, and just enjoy ourselves.

Now nothing...that is why it is so tuff...