I seem to be taking 2 steps forward and 1 or 2 steps back, depending on the day. I did already give her the gift, but here's the weird thing about that. I bought her a household gift that, but she thought I had said I bought her underwear (don't know what she heard), anyhow, I said of course I didn't buy you underwear, to which she replied, "I would have loved it if you bought me underwear." Anyhow, I don't know what to make of that. I didn't say anything back. My wife has a much higher drive than me, and during my depression that was one of the things she complained about, so I am beginning to wonder if I should set up some sort of romantic encounter at a hotel in the city? Here's my plan--I am hoping to have a solid month of not talking about the relationship and of just building a friendship again and of me GAL, then I'll see how things are and move from there. I don't know if I had posted this or not, but about a 2 weeks ago I was commuting w/W and I told her that letting go of her did not mean I was giving up on her, but that I love her and want her in my life so I am going to win her back. Later in the day she thanked me for having said that to her. I feel like I keep getting mixed signals from her, but then she always turns around and says don't read too much into things. Yesterday, I again asked her why she hasn't filed for D if she isn't in love w/me, doesn't want to live me, and doesn't want to work on our R, and she said that if I wanted a D then I should file, I told her I didn't want a D, she told me she just wanted to be separated from me. I just feel like there's still hope for us.
Anyhow, the mission would be a humanitarian one to someplace like India or Africa. I've always wanted to do that and I think it would prove to me that I can be independent and have a very fulfilling life w/out my W. Oh by the way, I also sent out an email to the director of a cultural center to see if they needed any volunteers to help w/their program.
