Oh wow! To all of the rest of you that have posted in the past couple of days......thank you so much. To you that read my original thread, you know it was embarrassing for me to post that, but as I said before, it was the way it was....then. Your words from each of you.....Jon, Twanya, Amy, Nasmat, Kristi, and anyone's name I left out,.....(all of you)....I just don't know how to express what a blessing you have been to my life. Namat, thank you for saying what you did about the spiritual gift. The past two years have been so hard on me b/c I did feel that God had taken the gifts that He had previously given me and I thought maybe that was His way of punishing me for my sins. It was as if I was not worthy to do anything in the Church anymore and my heart was breaking into. My breath caught in my throat when you said something about me being an "encourager" b/c that was the last thing I ever saw in myself. I always spoke too plain and sometimes too harsh.....just ask those I have used a 2x4 on...lol. But each of you have said something to my heart. It is getting way, way late and I need to go to bed. Have been up late each night, but guess what? Had a great day Christmas and tonight I was able to go out and eat with my H's family. That was the first time in years that I felt like doing it. God has been good to me this week! He is good to send each of you to me and give me these words to help me feel that maybe there is a purpose in my life. When I had to step down from that last job at church.......I cannot tell you what that did to me. But, I was not physically able to do it. One of the other jobs that I resigned was a teaching position that I felt I was not worthy to be doing after my EA. Maybe someday God will restore that to me again, but I felt that I had lost a very special gift that He gave me many years ago. I had rather teach than anything.....but the EA experience ruined all of that for me. That is what really breaks my heart.
I do not share this with you all to get your pity.....I hope you know me better than that. I am just now, two years after the EA, revealing a little more about my spiritual life (I guess you'd say). I was too ashamed for a long, long time when I came on board. I know God has forgiven me based on I John 1:9 which is a promise that one must accept by faith. But there are consequences also and I think I have experienced that. I cannot and will not give up hope that He will restore what has been lost.
In the meantime......if this is where He intends for me to be....I'll be here until the moderators run me off or else God tells me it is time to move on to something else. It is b/c of people like you that have kept me going.....I want you to know that. And I mean that to all of the special people that have posted to me over time.....not just the past few days. As someone told me yesterday, I love you as much as a person could love another, sight unseen, over the net. Wow! Talk about your heart filling up......mine did....and that is how I feel toward all of you. My special family.
I could go on forever thanking you for your sweet words of encouragement. I know God realizes that I have been fighting depression and mostly over my health problems and the results of all that......so He must have sent you all to me, and for that I am very grateful.
Take care all of my "sweeties" b/c you have my love and my prayers.
Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
