Went to the movies and the bookstore with D13 tonight. It was great to just listen to her talk about her interests. Saw the movie 'Bedtime Stories' which was pretty funny. One sad thing was that the two kids in the movie had divorced parents and their dad was an absent father and they would ask if he was ever coming back.
It's too bad that even in movies this happens but it it kind of reminds us that we live in a dysfunctional world.
Later tonight as I was having some quiet time I remembered how, during the affair and almost divorce 3 years ago, I was completely able to be strong and Alpha Male for my daughters, and even for their mother. It was hard, but at the time I KNEW it was what I had to do.
This time, I've been NOT wanting to have that laid on me again. But, it is. I contributed 50% to creating this situation and I'm really the parent who has always been able to keep everyone feeling safe and calm when everything falls apart and their mother loses it.
It's crazy, in the end I'm the one who spent years in a withdrawn place yet when W completely loses it I pull myself out of the tunnel to keep it together. Now I need to pull myself out for good, so that my daughters no longer have to fear anything more will happen.
It's also kind of sad that I've been in and out of my own tunnel, mostly coming out to be the rescuer of my family when my wife became the one living in fears of her own making.
I didn't want to do this again, I said so in the beginning, last January. And I've avoided it hoping it would just go away. That she would just go away.
Well, it isn't going to just go away. And I need to be more responsible. I have faith that my life will take a turn for the better as long as I start letting it.
