AmyC, FaithfulH and 25year, I got a lot of my house rooms rearranging projects done. d17 is probably stayng at her mothers again. Been alone all day getting things done, talking to Him and asking questions. took the day slow, but I did get just about everything done. My DIL and my grandson are going to church with me tomorrow and then will spend the day here for dinner. wanted to go out and visit see some people, but I needed to get this stuff done. I have been driven to reread DB and how to survive MLC. cut to the infidelity portion of both and browsed a few other areas. Feeling things may be getting futile. AmyC you had said when things were seeming the worst to you, things were actually leaning in your favor. I hope that is true for me as well.

Stayed in last night and all day today, but it was things that needed to get done. So I won't complain. If I went out, I would have blown these things off and just felt I needed things in order., maybe the sermon from last sunday, who knows. I feel strong, but a little lost. Not backpedaling here, just feel like this situation is never going to end. Took plenty of breaks today to reflect on things, talk to Him ask more questions. I have to be strong and continue on, I know. I know my D17 has missed her mother. This is the first time she has spent the weekend with her. I'm glad for her. I am praying OM wasn't around. D17 hates him and the thought of him showing up, well she would have called me. I hope. Everything seems so futile. everything seems so , I don't know.....I am pushing forward. Clutching my cross more and more. Found my wedding albums cleaning today, Oh Joy!!! WTF!!!! buried those in the closet. really starting to think of myself as her little puppy dog the way I had to run out and help her Xmas eve. I took my time the next day only because I thought she was in the parking lot. The gas thing though. I should've sent my son, alone....My opinion of it all is that she feels I am still kissing her ass. And that has me very upset right now. I am not kissing her ass, but having to rush out Xmas eve, feeling no pain from the wine, that';s exactly what I was doing. and my kids saw it and didn't like it one bit. Anyway, just touching base with everyone. not sure how good I will sleep tonight, hopefully good. He has been with me all day and I think He is happy with my efforts and my conversation....I also know that He wanted me to help her. That somehow this means something....No rationalizing...! Excited about dinner with the kids tomorrow. Hopefully D21 and her BF remember....They had better...