out of clever titles

[hoosiermama]

I really don't want to find love again--not romantic love, anyway. I've been through 2 divorces now, and I'm just not good at this. I'm fine without a man--I'm just not fine without anyone at all. I am not connected with anyone or anything besides D right now, and while that was difficult 20 years ago after my first marriage, I feel even more vulnerable now. I'm not "old," but I'm not young either. This is the third time in my life I have been compared to Job--and that's not a good place to be. I guess what really hurts is that people who know the truth are far more supportive of H than of D and I, and I don't understand that. Not that I want them to take sides, but why is adultery, especially by someone who portrays a good and holy person, not appalling? I feel invisible, and I typically don't cope well with this feeling; I'm even of very little interest here. I really thought I'd feel better by now--not good necessarily, but at least like I was doing more than existing. I know, pity parties are unattractive, but I'm hoping that by journalling here I can work thru some of this stuff and begin to heal.