I'm sorry you had a horrible, horrible dream - I know how hard those can be to get through - as I've had more than my share since this all started.
I've been wondering if part of my reason for wanting to end it - just bring it to a close - is because of unrealistic expectations I had going into the holidays...part of me did think that she might spend a week with her family and have some sort of eye-opening experience - seeing that many of the things she accuses me of - come from them - not from me - though I think that having our baby there with her always gives her a strong buffer against the real issues at play.
I felt terribly sad today...much of the evening I just felt like I was holding back tears...not sure why exactly...at one point I let them come out a bit - and my mother wanted to comfort me - but I just kept telling her that I would be fine - because I know I will be - and she also slips too easily into being critical of my wife when she sees me in pain...so I had to pull myself together a bit and remind my mother that my W is in a tremendous amount of pain - and that she suffered through something terrible - and that the only reason I can't accept being with her is because I don't see any willingness on her part to heal.
My S11 and I are still sick - so that's not helped my mood at all - in that I've not slept well in days...
I'm feeling far too emotional to make any decisions about anything at the moment...I think I just want a break from this all...and just feel so very tired right now.
