She's not open to God's message right now (or anyone else's for that matter...). So you really have to let her go for now. It doesn't mean you are giving up and it doesn't mean you love her and wouldn't prefer to have your family together, it's just that you HAVE to give up control of this whole thing.
That's weird that she wants you to go out with co-workers. My guess is she's trying to assage her own guilt. I would just tell her it's your life and you will make your choices on how to live it. Doing fun things with the kids that she might want to join sounds like a good choice.
And gosh! don't stop looking like a "model" when you do go to work. Even if you aren't trying to attract women it's good for self-esteem and will let her see the great thing she could potentially lose. Next time she comments on how good you look just wink and tell her all the women tell you that. I know that isn't who you are about, but a little bit of humor and even a tiny bit of "mystery" is always good.
Do 180s you feel comfortable with, but don't be afraid to extend yourself a little. She probably sees you as boring. Think of things that might make you more interesting without compromising your values. Join a gym and work out after work (great for self-esteem, and pumping up the endorphins so you feel happier and less stressed). Maybe get a Harley.
Only kidding about the Harley!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
HI Guys, Thanks for the posts. Today was a horrible day. I asked her if she was going out on a date tonight (she is out right now, she says with friends from church, which I believe, but I know that she's going to a dance club). Anyhow, the whole thing turned into a big fight and argument about our relationship, so then I felt guilty for fighting w/her and I went out and bought her a small gift. I swear I am so horrible at all of this!! I really liked the GAL suggestions you all made. I'm seriously considering going on a humanitarian mission. I'm going to look into that now...
You need to cut off the passive-aggressive stuff. You should have just said "I hope you're not planning on seeing OM tonite; that would be incredibly disrespectful to our marriage," and be done with it.
OK, if you haven't already do not give her the gift. If you did, then learn from that mistake and never do it again!!! You are doing too much pursuing which is making her run away from you. But you know that right?
We've all had horrible days, but I think some of us here have learned from our mistakes and try to do better. In fact I like to think of my mistakes as learning experiences, and I've had a lot of those in my life!!! Do not talk anymore about your R. And what do you mean by going on a mission??? Karen
I seem to be taking 2 steps forward and 1 or 2 steps back, depending on the day. I did already give her the gift, but here's the weird thing about that. I bought her a household gift that, but she thought I had said I bought her underwear (don't know what she heard), anyhow, I said of course I didn't buy you underwear, to which she replied, "I would have loved it if you bought me underwear." Anyhow, I don't know what to make of that. I didn't say anything back. My wife has a much higher drive than me, and during my depression that was one of the things she complained about, so I am beginning to wonder if I should set up some sort of romantic encounter at a hotel in the city? Here's my plan--I am hoping to have a solid month of not talking about the relationship and of just building a friendship again and of me GAL, then I'll see how things are and move from there. I don't know if I had posted this or not, but about a 2 weeks ago I was commuting w/W and I told her that letting go of her did not mean I was giving up on her, but that I love her and want her in my life so I am going to win her back. Later in the day she thanked me for having said that to her. I feel like I keep getting mixed signals from her, but then she always turns around and says don't read too much into things. Yesterday, I again asked her why she hasn't filed for D if she isn't in love w/me, doesn't want to live me, and doesn't want to work on our R, and she said that if I wanted a D then I should file, I told her I didn't want a D, she told me she just wanted to be separated from me. I just feel like there's still hope for us.
Anyhow, the mission would be a humanitarian one to someplace like India or Africa. I've always wanted to do that and I think it would prove to me that I can be independent and have a very fulfilling life w/out my W. Oh by the way, I also sent out an email to the director of a cultural center to see if they needed any volunteers to help w/their program.
Good for you for considering doing something that you have always wanted to do and reaching out to do things you are interested in. You have to continue thinking about yourself right now and not focus on W. Sounds like she is confused. Isn't that supposed to be a good thing? The hardest part is that their confusion adds to our confusion.
