Hi guys, thanks for the wishes... Forrest, I dont feel like debating with you anything right now. Yes, you are right, that was the cycle. It's happening all over again. I am feeling I am pushed to the corner where my needs are overheard and belittled by someone who cant deal with them... We'll see.
Today he came with us at the friends house for lunch. We were 4 lovely "families". Funny how the other couples started a discussion about cheating etc. I caught myself joining the discussion and then realised it was too damn weird to talk about something on a theoritical level when it has actually happened to me. Yesterday H called the OW to wish her happy nameday (it was yesterday) and he admitted to me he did very lightly and said he told her he was in our area (suburb). He didnt say he was with me or his family. He MEANT that. Careful choice of words... Dont really care about her, I just see he is getting "aggressive" about everything.
He took the kids to see his family and is keeping them overnight. This is getting funnier and funnier. We are a strange cross of a family and a divorced couple with kids. Schedules, time together etc are confusing people around us (friends, parents etc). On Sunday we are going on that trip. Right now the thought of spending so much time with him seems stressful. But I will have a good time no matter what. Where we are going there is a lot of snow and I like snow... Take care all, K
K, I'm still very frustrated by your sitch, my sitch and 99% of the other sitches here (I don't LOL but I cry silently ;-( with each of your postings). I have to tell myself (and so I'm reminding you too) to try to be more positive and less cynical if at all possible.
Hey Kalni, just got caught up on everything here with you....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
So here's my question for you. What do you want? I mean really truly want in your heart with your relationship here. It seems to me that you need to come up with an idea of what it is that will make you happy and wanting to be engaged in this marriage. What will it take? What do you need him to do? What is it that you are missing at this point? and here is the tough one.... Can your H give you what you need in your marriage or not?
It just kills me when people overlook the necessities in their lives when they try and piece their marriages back together. Here's some reality that won't be very popular around here.
1. Sometimes there is to much to overcome. 2. Sometimes we get what we thought we wanted and then realize that it isn't what we need anymore. 3. Sometimes we work so damn hard to get them to come around that we simply don't have the energy to do the work that it takes to piece.
I want to emphasize the sometimes because in no way am I saying that you match any of these things. What I am saying is that as I have been reading there is a lot of hidden emotion telling me that maybe you don't have either the energy or the true desire to go through what it will take to make this work.
What we are doing here is not for the faint of heart. It is also an amazing eye opener as to what we have neglected for ourselves throughout our marriages. We go on the mission of rediscovering ourselves and what is important and overlook the fact that we haven't really thought about what that entails. It takes a lot of work and energy. It takes a true commitment to put all aside to fight for what we really want.
I have read your stuff over time around here. I know that when you were fighting for the return you had the heart of a lioness and the burning flame that enables you to do "the work". Where is that today sweetie? How can you get it back so that you can either truly dive into this and give it your all or acknowledge that you need to move on?
I apologize for the seriousness of this post, but it just hit me really hard as I read through all of this tonight. Piecing to me is not supposed to be about suffering and hurt. Yes, it is difficult, but if you are not getting some satisfaction out of it then it is not truly what you need.
Hi guys, Ian, thanks for taking the time to stop by. I hear what you are saying. I am currently trying to figure out which of those things you listed are valid in my case and which arent. One thing is for sure: my energy and strength to fight is gone. I have been hoping he could he give me some of his excitement and strength,(since he wants me "so much"), but it isnt happening.
It is very difficult to say "it's over". It is still too difficult to say I want it to end. I am still thinking firstly as a mom and then as a woman. Plus I get this feeling we havent yet done all we could. And its the first time since this whole thing started we both (almost) want the same thing at the same time.
Piecing shouldnt be suffering and hurt. I agree. I am not ready to give up yet. xxx K
PS I am packing and we are leaving tomorrow. Maybe when we are back, things will be a bit clearer.
4) sometimes we discover that the person we were in love with before the bomb is no longer the person we want to be with..... 5) sometimes we can't deal with the possibility or the risk of waking up one morning to another bomb..... 6) sometimes when the spark is gone it does not come back....
Sometimes things happen for a reason....
It is my personal experience and also in some of the piecing posts that I read, very rarely do you have equal "work" being done by both parties. There always seems to be one person who wants it more....in my case it was me....in this case I am not sure. What makes me a tad sad is the realization that regardless what K decides (and it is obvious that she is steering the ship here) either she will feel some guilt for leaving or she will move forward in a marriage where she is a mom first.
In the next few days, if you are rooting for reconcilliation, then you are hoping that a spark will reignite this couple. I am hoping there is a happy ending somewhere down the line for my Greek cousin.....I am hoping that she can find that flame that Ian alluded to....with or without her Husband.
Kalni, I can relate to all you are going through. Your last post expresses exactly what I am feeling. It is extremely difficult to say "it's over". I hope this trip is the beginning of your reconnection as a couple. Good luck!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
fb2, I am trying. If I had no hope, I would be "out of here" already. I was called stuborn before... xxx K
K, I'm convinced I'm so stubborn that I'm a hard as& so you're not alone. Hope you are able to let your hair down and connect with your H on the vacation. Ask him to bring that calendar with various positions, there are still a few more days left in the year ;-)
Me-48, W-38 M14, D11, S7 W filed D 01/07 W had to move out 06/07 Current Thread
