FG Snodderly is right. What does a C know that God doesn't know? All of this takes time and lots of it. It's been over 2 yrs for me and h and he is just starting to come around.
Time has no bearing on whether they return. It's when they heal and deal with their issues that makes a difference.
Don't bring up D unless that is what you want. Be still and let God. Your h is holding onto anger just like mine is.
Good things can happen, it just takes time.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
He said he will be filing next week though, unless something changes his mind. What can I do between now and a few days to get him to change his mind? How do I force myself to NOT talk to him or anything? I'm not sure if he has his mind made up or not. I'm guessing not since he said we can talk tomorrow and maybe that will change his mind. I seriously don't know what to do at this time.
If he's going to file, he will. However, there is absolutely nothing you can do to change his mind. Let me explain it this way, the more you try to rationalize w/him about it, the more determined he's going to be to file. You are pushing and he's pulling away. Just let things be for now. The time to discuss the filing is when you get the papers and then have to do something about them. Until you get them, I'd just go on about my business.
If he raises the issue tomorrow, then talk, but if he doesn't, don't you raise the issue. Follow his lead on this. Okay?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Yes FG you can't stop him from filing. If that is truly what he wants to do, he will do it. Let him be. Don't talk about it. It's life as usual. It could just be words.
No need to deal with something that you don't know if it's a reality.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
He told me today that once he files then we won't ever have to talk about anything again. How does he think that getting a D will stop us from talking when we have an 8 year old?
I'm so very sad tonight. I don't want this divorce. I know I've sucked at DB'ing and maybe I should do something different now. I just don't know anymore.
I will bet money that he will not file for a d. Does he even have the $$$ to do it? Remember the letter--he never gave you that, either.
If he thinks you and he will never have to talk again, he is so really out to lunch. You have a child together!
I think the only thing you can do is allow God to work on your marriage and your husband. Try to remain as calm as possible and think about that little girl who so desperately needs a rational parent around who shows her love and affection.
Your husband is blowing a lot of steam right now and so much of what he says has proven to be incorrect such as the moving, the letter, and now a D?
We'll see.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
H text me yesterday saying not to worry about asking D to join him at his mom's because he changed it to see her on Friday for lunch now. I guess he figures I'd have to agree to that since he's watching D on Friday. Slick one, huh?
H did tell me that he did a lot of thinking yesterday and that's why he didn't follow thru and call me. I didn't say anything and just let him talk. He said he's got alot on his mind but he's not going to file D papers like he said he was. (that means I've got more time to get this right)
Well, I have it all planned now. My plan is definately to leave him alone. No calls, emails, text unless it's about D and a good reason about D...no lame excuse to talk to him and adding D in there somewhere either. He's watching D today, tomorrow and Friday. Today I said hi, told him my house keys were on the table for him and got CS from him and left. When I get home I'm going to tell him that we have a class to be at that starts at 5:45 so we pretty much need to leave when I get home and changed. I'm not going to be rude, but more like a "I wish I could stay and chat, but maybe next time" kind of feel to it. I bought athletic shoes yesterday so now D and I can go to the Y to exercise. Tonight there's a kid class that's at the same time as this cardio class. Although, I might just take it slow and jump on the treadmill for an hour during her class. Tomorrow I can do the same thing....tell H we have another class to attend. I need to stay busy. I was able to do alot of thinking yesterday too while I cleaned house and did laundry.
Well, I have it all planned now. My plan is definately to leave him alone. No calls, emails, text unless it's about D and a good reason about D...no lame excuse to talk to him and adding D in there somewhere either.
CAN YOU HEAR ME SCREAMING??? That's what you were supposed to be doing all along!!!!
Ok, so you got it now right?
Good luck at the Y!
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
