Rejection...today I woke up wondering if I am just rejecting the person that rejected me...and wondering if I could find an ounce of more patience in me...more love to offer my W...but I don't think it's there. I still have that pain in my chest - the sadness - and I think a lot of it just comes from the very real fear of how much will change in the next few months - and how necessary it is.
I talked with my W briefly this morning - just to ask her about my baby boy - and she sounded fine - not distant or cold - but not like my wife anymore either. She sounded like any other person I might talk with on the phone - friendly enough - but not personal...
I had a dream about her last night - it was a convoluted dream - but it involved us talking with one another like we used to, and reaching out and touching one another - and it almost felt like a dream to say goodbye to her...in the dream she was still beautiful - and kind - and loving - and not at all how she's been these last eight months. So it was as though I was giving myself a chance to say goodbye to the part of her I loved most.
