It's Complicated! Part 2

[glamgirl]

25 yrs thanks for that great story. I do hear what you are saying. I think the big issue for me is it is easier to walk away when you decide to have NC or limit your interactions and you basically go on with your life without h.

It is much harder, when you do things with h. He comes over about 5-6 days a week. We go places together with the kids. We are in MC. We go on dates. We have sex, yeah I like that part. We are starting to make decisions together. It's like we are together except h lives elsewhere.

He is not telling me he wants a D, he is just telling me he needs time to process through his anger and he said he is healing from everything that has happened.

I have made huge progress with my h. It was a mere year ago that my h was pretty much checked out. I like to think we are in the process of reconciliation. At first, my thoughts were you needed to be home to reconcile, but that idea is slowly changing for me.

You are right I need to make sure I am GAL. I am, but even that is a little difficult when h is here almost daily. I do know that I WILL be fine with or without my h, but I would prefer to make things work with h.

As far as my ex, I did love my ex at one point and would have done anything for him. I tried so hard to get him into rehab, but finally had to close the door to that M. It was too much for me to bare, but when I left that door was closed for good never to look back. That is the difference. It was easier to go on when I knew I couldn't or wouldn't go back.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

Why does your h hold on to the very things that make him so very angry such as your words from three years ago?

If he wants to move forward, he has to let go of the past and for some reason he does not want to do that.

We all say things we did not mean but we have to get past that.

[MidwesternGirl]

A thought GG:

New Year's is approaching.

Could you and h vow to each other not to look back, get rid of the angry words from three years ago, delete and destroy them and start anew?

[glamgirl]

Yes MWG I have NO idea why he hangs onto the past and clings to it like it was yesterday. I have told him over and over to let the past go h.

He just says triggers happen and he is right back where he was 3 years ago.

Fear comes to mind though. Not sure if that is accurate. Fear that if he let go and we got together I could hurt him again. That is what I am thinking, not sure if it is correct.

[MidwesternGirl]

I think "fear" would be an excellent topic the next time you and he have a C session.

[glamgirl]

That is an excellent idea MWG. I like it and am going to give it a try. The New Year is right around the corner.

[glamgirl]

It was interesting. H was going down this path of Glam my goal is to do XYZ to make you happy.

I immediatly stopped my h and said h it's NOT your job to make me happen. If XYZ is something you want to do for yourself then do that, but don't do it because of me.

I am happy h and I am responsible for my own happiness. It's not your job to make me happy in our M. H was silent.

I believe my h trys to take on this burden of always wanting to please others. I am trying to show him that he doesn't have to take on that burden.

[MidwesternGirl]

Wow, Glam, there is a lot going on in his mind.

[glamgirl]

MWG there is a lot going on in his head. His biggest comment to me is Glam you just don't understand me. He is right. We haven't learned how to communicate so each of us can understand each other.

Hopefully C will help us in this area.

[glamgirl]

MWG h also said Glam why would you want to be with me if everything you wrote in those e-mails is true? I said h I love you and don't believe the person that was making poor choices, was really who you are and the person I married. H was silent.

Half the time MWG I really don't know what to say to him when he asks me things. Not sure what he is fishing for.