Thanks to you all for the good wishes! And Merry Christmas to all of you!
Just a quick update, we have a madhouse full of kids waiting for Christmas, which won't happen until W gets home from work this evening. There are our four, plus all three of the cousins from W's side of the family (who are closer to the younger set than the older).
W mentioned her schedule last night! She said that she was having trouble getting all of the non-work stuff onto it. I said that I kind of expected that the next schedule would be more likely, and she agreed. I think I might see if she would like to do the arranging, though I expect that she won't. That way she wouldn't have to figure everything out, I can be a lot more flexible than she can as far as schedule goes.
She slept in here last night (on the edge of the bed), and will be in here the next four nights, I think. Her brother and his son are in the guest room. Her sister and her two daughters are at her parents house. But the whole gang of kids migrates back and forth. They have been here most of the day today, the dog and cat have been hiding in my room! The noise level has been substantial!
I've been reading the "Passionate Marriage", it is NOT an easy read! I think I am starting to get it, I don't know if it is going to be useful in this M or not, but it is going to be useful!
I forgot to mention that I didn't sleep much last night! No, not that! I was completely paranoid that I might actually touch her, so I didn't sleep very soundly until after she left for work. I should sleep a little better the next few nights, at least she doesn't have to get up really early to get to sork, so I should be less worried about upsetting her.
I read "Passionate Marriage" early in my marriage and I don't think I was ready for it then. Not sure I'm ready for it now, but I do feel like the underlying philosophy is sound: a relationship is an opportunity for two individuals to share the experience of life, not an excuse for people to demand that their emotional needs be met by others. I have learned the hard way that validation by others is different from love, and that it is no substitute for validating oneself. Living that wisdom is still a daily challenge for me, but I pray that, like any other skill, it gets easier with practice.
Imagining sleeping in the same bed with my wife is a stretch right now. On the one hand, I want nothing more. On the other hand, I can't imagine it would be a very comfortable experience. Trust is shaky, sex is scary... Ack, what a situation. I have been pretty worried about "upsetting" my wife as well. I just feel like the connection we are re-establishing is so tenuous right now that it would not tolerate anything upsetting. Then I feel a bit resentful because I don't want to have to edit everything I say. Then I wonder whether part of love isn't considering how what one says will affect another's feelings. Then I wonder where to find the balance. Then I pray, because I don't know, but maybe God can help me find it.
Me: 33 Her: 39 M: 8 T: 10 K: D15, S4 Separated 10/30/08. My current thread
Hey Jeff, just stopping by to say hi. Hope your holidays went well - as well as they could given the situation.
I remember all too well the feeling of being afraid to accidently brush against my h in bed. I have to say I am sleeping much better since he moved downstairs to the couch.
I hope 2009 brings you clarity, movement, and an end to limbo one way or the other. You deserve much happiness in your life.
