When do the tears go away ?

[whitneypinch]

Hello Tom,

What I will say is that this happening has been the best thing in my life. It has caused me to look so deep into myself to figure out what matters. I had had a wild career all over the world. I was very focused on what others thought of me and spent so much time on everything that represented me. My wife is from an extremely affluent family so this afforded me even more opportunity to be greedy and focused on the wrong things. My career got off track as I became unfocussed as well.
I had become so focused on other things that I did not focus on my W and my babies. The truth is I did not have any mentors growing up and most certainly was not prepared for what I married into.
When my W walked out the door I realized I had lost everything. That everything was my family.

In the last year I have read everything I can get my hands on. I have found a new purpose in life. I am using my skills now for greater good.
I really have become a fantastic father and have realized that my children give me the greatest joy in life.

I have also realized, as you have, that become a better person is now a life long journey. There is always more information to learn and experience. I trekked to the base of Mt. Everest and was fortunate to experience the wonderful culture in Nepal. Their culture has no negativity at all and is so focussed on the family. That trip changed my life.

As I continue on I am finally realizing that my W has not looked back from the second she has left. She has so totally moved on and is living a completely different life now. It's a lifestyle in which I would not fit in. I am starting to really see that.

So, I will continue to just focus on my kids, myself and giving back. It's all I can do.

If my W wanted to come back she would, but I truly believe I was just a phase in her life and now she has "evolved" onto another phase.

As MWD says not all marriages can be saved. I truly believe that no matter what I had done that my marriage would have ended. To see where my W is focussing her attention now is so different than when she was with me. I think she is much happier now doing what she truly wants. I believe my W was playing a role (she was an actress) that she grew tired of playing.
I think now I am just a slight inconvenience to her, in which she tolerates.

It is hard being with my kids and experiencing all that we do. I can't possibly imagine my W not wanting to experience the events with us. But as she has said....she has her own experiences with them now. I know she appreciates the father I am to "her" children. She has explained that her happiness is what is most important to her now. Is that a selfish act?? Yes and no.
Marriage is work and she did not want to do the work. I guess my negativity etc. in our M prevents her from considering reconciliation. She is afforded a life where she really does not have to work at anything so I guess she just wants to have fun.

Will this catch up to her/ I don't know. She my cruise through life from one fun experience to another and live happily "unhappy" ever after. Maybe something will happen to her like it did to me, and she will wake up. The truth is I don't think she will ever wake up as she is very content with her life now.

So, yes Tom, we continue on to be the best that we can and do right for ourselves and our kids. As with everything in life, everything is for a reason.