Now She's Confused.

[Jeff3]

Hey

While I had a good christmas with no expectations I am still getting worn down with all of this. I know this is a marathon but I am getting tired.

Today I had a quick conversation with my W she said she loved the makeup I gave her, which is a good thing. She was having a conversation with her mom on the phone and I heard her say ya he is a nice guy thats his thing, I guess I was being a bit sensitive and have been working nights which makes me a little "off" but when she hung up I asked her what she meant by nice guy because when she was talking to her mom it sounded sarcastic. She said don't be sensitive I don't mean it in a bad way. She said you are a nice guy, just not the guy for me. I am so sick of being the "nice guy"! Everyone else thinks I'm great but it doesn't help with the one person that I care about the most my W.

I know things have improved between us but after that conversation I feel that she is in the, we can be friends mode even after we break up. I feel that I am being too nice and accommodating making this easy for her. It is killing me not to be close with her I miss her! I guess I had no expectations but secretly may have been hoping for something better. I know I can't rush things but I think I need to go dark for a bit give her a chance to miss me.

She still is talking about packing etc. I hate being an outsider in her life I want so badly to make her feel special.


Before I left for work again we had a quick chat in which I responded to a statement she made something like we get along great its too bad we have to split up. I responded by saying " we don't have to, the past doesn't have to stop the future. It went something like that I am tired and can't remember exactly. (I get the feeling that she may feel that because of the what she has put me through she doesn't have the option. ) I also told her that one of my regrets was that I didn't spend more time making her feel special and that she deserved that. (could have been a mistake but I feel I want to tell her that I will make sure that I will take more time to focus on her needs and be more aware of the little things,) I didn't say that, only thought that.


I know i am ranting but I guess I just needed to get it out! I would love to sit down with her and have a heart to heart but I know I just have to ride it out. I am not forgetting all of the positive stuff that has happened but it felt like it got washed away with the statement "you are a nice guy just not for me"

Anyway I will take another deep breath relax and sign off. I really admire you because you have kids I can't imagine dealing with children as well!

Jeff

[Jeff3]

Re: the last post. While talking to her I still remained cheerful and left for work wishing her a good sleep she responded I hope you have a good night at work. So I hope I didn't do any damage and maybe it caused her to think a bit.


I am going to sit back and wait give her some space.

[Jeff3]

I hope I didn't give the wrong impression but Christmas was great and we had so much positive interaction since last weekend, setting up the tree, skiing etc. I guess I just got a bit down because she is still talking separation. I know I shouldn't but it's tough as everyone knows. I will continue to be cheerful and avoid relationship talk until she brings it up!

[Jeff3]

Last post for the night, but I guess as long as she is still in the house there is the chance for more positive contact.

[Jeff3]

Let me have it Ian know I may be over thinking this AGAIN!

[job]

No expectations. She may be talking about a separation and is voicing her thoughts out loud. She may or may not do a separation. Just leave her be, no pressure and continue doing what you've been doing. Again, no expectations. Treat her as a friend, a roommate and go on w/your life.

[sofaraway]

Let me have it Ian know I may be over thinking this AGAIN!

Ummmmmm, ya think????

Look,the holiday season is a bitch to get through even without overreacting or over thinking things. If for nothing else, for yourself, stay out of your head dude.

"you are a nice guy, just not the guy for me"

Blah blah blah..... this is typical when they say something nice. They throw in a zinger so you remember they are still in control and still WAS. Anything nice they say they believe will be looked on by you as a they want you back comment. Who's fault is that??? Both of you, her for not having more faith, and you for over reacting and over thinking.

Get through the next week my friend and then it is back to work. As far as going dark, please wait until after this week and make your decisions about that when things are a tad bit less emotional.

Until then, find some things to do to have fun. Get out with your friends or something to keep yourself occupied please.....


Ian

[craig54]

Jeff, Going dark is not always the answer, being able to have no expectations and not push her are.You are still pursuing her way too much.I know how hard it is not to, you want some answers, but they are not going to be anytime soon.

This time of the year is very hard. This is my second Christmas being seperated.But it does get easier, take one day at a time. hang in there Jeff, I will pray for you and your wife.

[fisherman]

Hey Bud,

Ian hit the nail on the head. Blah, blah, blah. It is so a control thing. Don't start grinding your gears over those comments. Those are par for the course. Don't let that rattle you. Be the ROCK! She will continue to test you. By now you know what this game is all about. The harder you hold on, the harder things get.

Your right this is a marathon. You be that faithful farmer so to speak. The seeds that you plant today will be harvested in the future. MLC'ers are on a totally different time clock man.

You are doing very well my friend, I'm with Ian, I would wait on going dark or dim. Just keep doing the two step, and remember this is normal. You can do this. Instead of going dark just show her that happiness inside of you and show her that you intend to live life to it's fullest no matter what. Try to stay busy, I know it's tough, but keep working and improving you and most importantly stay positive and try to do things you enjoy that take your mind off all this. I'm starting to see a yin yang of sorts to this. It's almost like the more one spouse worries and stresses the less the other does.

Patience, God is working on the two of you. Always keep that in mind. No pressure on her or you, keep moving forward one step at a time and know God is taking care of everything. I'm praying for you partner.

[glamgirl]

Jeff you are doing good! Don't worry about the comment, you don't really know what that means today.

My h said things like I can never come home. Now he is not home, but just said the other day he thought we could work things out and asked me to be patient with him.

I don't know if going dim or dark is the answer either. I did all that and found the best for my situation was to love unconditionally regardless of how h responded.

Be kind and loving. No R talks and just love from a distance. Trapt is right stay busy, so you don't have to think to much.

Aren't you guys really good at staying busy?