Let me start off by saying that I hope you guys had a very good holiday. I am up in Virginia visiting some family and I've got to say that it is probably the best thing right now. Don't get me wrong. Being without my wife for Christmas was brutal but being up here to spend time with my family and my little nephew has taken me out of the situation of being at home. They are very supportive and mom's home cooking has helped me eat more normally.
My wife called on Christmas. She wanted to talk to the whole family but ended up talking to only me. She got nervous and didn't want to talk to the rest. She is upset because no one from my family has contacted her since we have announced the divorce. I tried to explain to her that my family is actually afraid to contact her because they don't know what to expect. Especially my mother. The last time they talked my wife blew up at her and threatened a couple of things. I wanted to support my wife in her arguement but she was very wrong about how she handled the whole situation. My mother was devistated. I have only heard her cry three times in my whole life. That was one of them. I explained to her that they would love to talk to her and still loved her very much. She said that she couldn't do it and left me with a message to tell them. It ended up being a long conversation. There was laughing, crying, anger, she ran the whole gammet. She told me three times how special and amazing I was and how great of a guy I was and how I deserved to be happy. I tried to use as many DB techniques as I could and explained to her that I knew that I deserved to be happy that she didn't need to explain that to me and that it really didn't mean much at this point coming from her because she was walking away from our marriage. I told her that if I was so amazing and such a great catch and she wasn't looking for something different then I couldn't make sense of her actions but I respected that she was an adult and had to make her own decisions. In one breath she was telling me how great of a person I was and in the next telling me how I was so horrible to her and how her insides were like "raw hamburger from me constantly cutting into her verbally". She said that I needed some one a little more "boring" and not some one as out going and interesting as herself. Some one that "would be there to take care of everything around the house and have dinner ready when I get home". She just doesn't get it. I wanted help not a maid! She was thanking me for being the best thing that ever happened to her in one breath and cutting me down and telling me how horrible I was in the next so her actions would be justified. You are absolutely right LonelyD. If I try to rationalized this or try to figure out what is going through her head I will drive myself absolutely insane. She said that she still wants a family eventually and even if she doesn't have another man in her life she wants to eventually adopt a child and start her family. She is on way to many celebrity gossip websites and I think she thinks she wants to be like Angelina Jolie or Brittney Spears or something. She seriusly follows that stuff way too closely and it is like she is trying to live it out. She was also doing a cynical laugh while explaining things to me at times. This is somehting that has been going on alot during conversation lately. There is no understanding this for me. I am not even going to try. This is in God's hands. He is doing work within me to make me the best person I can be. I am making lists of goals for the new year and I am excited about my tranformation. I will still love my wife very very much but it will be up to her to figure out what she lost and come knocking at my door. I have done everything that I can. God is in control.
As far as waiting at least 8 weeks as you say. If she has it her way this whole divorce will be over in 8 weeks. Then what do I do?
M 27 W 26 M 4.5 Years T 6 years Bomb Oct. '08; "ILYBIANILWY", "You don't fit into my life", "Our marriage had to have been a mistake because it is not working".
