Making my own good karma!!

[Silent Chrleader]

Oops, 25, ya' got it a little mixed up there. The "main" house (i.e. the one we actually have lived in) is where I have been living with S17 (and D24 and my brother (50) sometimes). I wanted to stay in the house and "maintain my stability". So, back in June, H moved out, but he left all his money, etc. going into our joint account and I maintained all the bills and such (except for the rent on his apartment, which he made out the check for.

Anyway, In the past several years, main house has not been worked on because all our money and effort has gone into "dream" house (aka "the ranch"). When H moved into the apartment, "the PLAN" was that he would move back into main house to work on M. Also, at that time we would need to start doing projects on main house (i.e. a LOT of remodeling). In preparing for that we have ripped up all the carpet and bought paint, got an estimate roof replacement, etc.....the place is really in shambles.....really.

Well, a couple weeks ago when H informed me that he didn't want to move back home and was looking at getting an apartment with a friend in Seattle such that he didn't have the commute, I said "No way, Jose" and did a 180 and said it was my turn for a new start. But, I opened my own bank account. Arranged for my salary deposits to go there. I kept my car payment and student loans, and paid my rent 6 months in advance, and gave the rest of my bonus to him which should tide over the "joint" stuff (i.e. mortgages, loans, credit cards) for about 3 months. By the time that 3 months is up (April), H will either need to arrange a re-fi, or sell one of the houses, even if it's at a significant loss. But it's all in his hands, and I'm not worrying about it anymore!

So, he will be living in the "main" house on his own doing the work that needs to be done. I have actually been up front with him in what I was doing. I did not lie. I even showed him my budget and made up one for him. (By the way, did I mention that I am an accountant?). He is a smart man and I do think I can trust him to make the best decisions given our circumstances, and with everything being held jointly, it does behoove us both to work together on these issues and, in all honesty, we have done so. He has told me numerous times that he does not want to "shaft" me and I have said the same to him, and so far, we have both lived up to our word. H did not agree with me getting the apartment he did, but he didn't fight it really either.

The apartment I got is very close to the main house. I really thought hard about that one, but I really liked the place and I did think it would be a good thing for allowing S17 to help H with the work on the main house. (Although S17 says he has told H that he will only work every other weekend....???) But, I'm not getting in the middle there.

I've been wondering if I should offer to help with the work. In the past, I was not much for "strapping on a toolbelt and working by H's side" and that was one of his complaints with me. Since the bomb, I have done a 180 and am always offering to help with this or that (such as work up on the ranch). But, H often doesn't want to accept my help because then he feels "beholden" to me or something, so he usually turns down my help. So, now I'm thinking that when I move over to my new place, I'll just do a 180 again and stay over there unless he specifically asks for something. That way, I'll give him his much wanted "space". If H specifically asks, then I'll help of course. I'm afraid thought that if I back off that much, he'll think "See, her changes didn't last". Hmmmmm, not sure about that one.......???