Hey Kalni, just got caught up on everything here with you....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
So here's my question for you. What do you want? I mean really truly want in your heart with your relationship here. It seems to me that you need to come up with an idea of what it is that will make you happy and wanting to be engaged in this marriage. What will it take? What do you need him to do? What is it that you are missing at this point? and here is the tough one.... Can your H give you what you need in your marriage or not?
It just kills me when people overlook the necessities in their lives when they try and piece their marriages back together. Here's some reality that won't be very popular around here.
1. Sometimes there is to much to overcome. 2. Sometimes we get what we thought we wanted and then realize that it isn't what we need anymore. 3. Sometimes we work so damn hard to get them to come around that we simply don't have the energy to do the work that it takes to piece.
I want to emphasize the sometimes because in no way am I saying that you match any of these things. What I am saying is that as I have been reading there is a lot of hidden emotion telling me that maybe you don't have either the energy or the true desire to go through what it will take to make this work.
What we are doing here is not for the faint of heart. It is also an amazing eye opener as to what we have neglected for ourselves throughout our marriages. We go on the mission of rediscovering ourselves and what is important and overlook the fact that we haven't really thought about what that entails. It takes a lot of work and energy. It takes a true commitment to put all aside to fight for what we really want.
I have read your stuff over time around here. I know that when you were fighting for the return you had the heart of a lioness and the burning flame that enables you to do "the work". Where is that today sweetie? How can you get it back so that you can either truly dive into this and give it your all or acknowledge that you need to move on?
I apologize for the seriousness of this post, but it just hit me really hard as I read through all of this tonight. Piecing to me is not supposed to be about suffering and hurt. Yes, it is difficult, but if you are not getting some satisfaction out of it then it is not truly what you need.
