All the presents were well received and I was actually commended for doing a great job. None of my presents will go back today.
Menopause with her has been tossed around, pre-menopause and MLC. Her medication is alcohol. The fact that she left her family to go toa party christmas night. Couldn't wait for the end of the visit, had to go. Priorities a little skewed?! She is picking up D17 after she gets out of work today to go to the mall. I want to clean out my office area and re-arrange things. I will most likely take down the Xmas tree either tonite or tomorrow. D17 is going over her firends to sleep over tonight I'm sure. I am torn between staying in and unwinding or going out visiting. Once again I go to bed talking to Him and waking up wondering why I went to bed upset. Horsewhispering I think...Have plans for the weekend, my office is numero uno, having my kids over for dinner on Sunday. I am very excited about it. Older D can't make it, but everyone else will be there. New Year's Eve I will be with my closest friends. D17 may be going to NYC with her GF and her Gf's mother. /I will pony up a couple of bucks for her to enjoy herself. Even at the expense of not going out myself. It's who I am....
Back to menopause, I know it can hit at random times, Do you know anyone who wnet through it, behaved in this manner and then came back to reality? I know everything is different and everyone is different, she seems happy, I hear she isn't. Is she using me a s adoormat with these rescues or is she really leaning on me because she feels something..?
You do not know this person anymore, she is a stranger to you. you will need to go throguh some phases with her to reapir your marriage. You will not need to do any of it while she is with him. She is moving on and so should you. Nothing I do is about her or for her. It is for me, my kids, my dog, the bird my friends....Not HER!. I love my W very much. She continues on with OM because she feels this is where she needs to be to be happy. whatever (hate that word)! I have forgiven a lot of what she has done. But I will not entertain being friends with her outside of these family gatherings until he is gone. My life is good without her. It would be better with her, but I cannot and will not hang my hat on it. God has talked to me, He has shown me things about myself I never realized. He has given me strength I did not know I had. He has shown me patience I never had and He has shown me true forgiveness. I have learned the power of prayer and I have learned to believe in myself again. I am very confident, have strong self esteem and I am very independent. She is not confident, licves in a world of self lies and self justification, has no independence worth bragging about and low self esteem. She has not rationlized her life and her choices because she has not realized these are mistakes. Her father told her the other night she is screwing her life up and making the ultimate mistake. I explained to him that she is not in a rational world right now. His GF told him the same thing. We both told him that when she does get to that point she will fall hard. You need to realize that your W may or may not really want to be friends. My guess is it is just antoher way for you to enable her life. If you are not comfortable being friends, then don't. If she is with OM, you are out. That is the short of it. You are out. I am out. We are out. I give you this, at the end of tis lesson, we are the prize. We will become the best people we can be because we need to reiscover ourselves and find the true self. To be the type of person we like, to be the type of person we would want to know, to be the person who can change peoples lives by just being involved in theirs. This is true self. I have done it. It is not hard. It is painful, but not hard. And once you discover yourself, staying true to yourself is very easy.
Thanks Jay. sometimes I like to type it out anyway as a means of reminding myself of these things. My holiday with her wasn't without confusion, emotional pain and want. I rescued her twice in the space of 13 hours. She is financially slipping worse than ever. She complained about how tired she was yesterdqay, but not tired enough to miss going out to a party and then partying at her house. I paid cash for Xmas, and I don't have the money to go out. I have bills to pay, a house to keep clean and some projects to do to maintain my house. My partying, is my kids coming over for dinner on Sunday that I am cooking. I'm sure her party was meeting the OM at some friends house and then going back to her place or not, who knows. I try not to care. But when it gets mentioned that she is going out to a party and then karaoke at her friends house....Said it loud enough so that everyone knew she has this busy calendar. She did well Xmas shopping. Have no idea where she got the money. don't care. All I know is she is spending $25 for each time she is overdrawn. She has three so far. don't know how many came in today. she gets paid on thursday, holiday means she won't see her money until Friday. Her donut spare is good for sppeds up to 50 miles an hour and for a duration of less than 100 miles. I am not wishing her ill, just wondering why all of a sudden this is heaped upon her. he seems very happy to me when I saw her. Other than seeing me drink to much Xmas eve, she saw me not chasing her, hounding her, following her. She saw me happy, no act, just me. she also felt the connections I had with everyone. Her's weren't so real.
Am about to enter menopause maybe...who knows? I feel fine and my mom had kids at my age. But I went to my HS reunion 7 weeks ago and my age group 44-50 is dealing with it. Many of my gf's are going through it. Other than hot flashes, which seem hard to treat medically, EACH one of them took some med for it and said it/they helped...Also fwiw, they're all college grads with some smarts in them. Two are nurses who said they'd "never go through something like this without modern science..." etc. and one said "Black Cohosh" helped her, but she's my Birkenstock all natural vegan friend...so I hope that helps.
LD, you and SD are in somewhat diff sitch's dont' you think? Anyhow, glad you got her out of the jam in the winter and all, or it would have looked punitive. But don't think for ONE MINUTE that it didn't occur to her that she called YOU instead of the "boy" in the basement...OTOH, if people in her family keep rubbing her idiocy in her face, she'll have no choice but to feel defensive and it'll be that much harder for her to come back.
Remember that DB phrase I got from my coach: KEEP THE ROAD HOME PAVED AND SMOOTH, which does NOT mean be a doormat. Just know she's eating crow more than we'll all ever know. I'm actually embarrassed for her...and happy for you (( j ))
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Beware though, of the MENOPAUSE excuse and that goes both ways. On one hand, don't let it excuse crappy behavior on the part of your wife. Hormones don't make anyone abandon their sense of morality.
OTOH, it also reeks of the same old guy excuse for blaming females in their lives and avoiding any self awareness on their own part by saying, "OH, HER complaints about ME??? No, she's on the rag, her time of month, menopause, blah blah blah, it COULDN'T BE ANYTHING I HAVE DONE....NOT ME....NOPE NOT ME...it's ALL in her head, etc....
double edge sword my friend, and woe to the man who tries to blow off his wife's feelings and write them off to some abstract cause not of his own making...
(j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Thanks for the post. I don't try to put too much into analyzing her, hurts too much. No, I did what I did to help her because it ws the right thing to do. Now I will be dark again. I have no reason to talk to her other than car ins money and that's it. Her mother is coming up at the end of the month and I am sure I will see her then. Other than that, my Grandson's birthday in May will be the next time I will "have" to be around her. It alwwys takes me a couple of days after being around her to get back. I doubt very much anyone is saying anything to her about me helping her out. I don't even think she is really putting much into it. Tough time sleeping last night. asked for this to end, hard....No sleep, tossed and turned all night. I will keep my road paved and clear. He has told me it will end, when it ends and I will be ready. that's all I know, I will be ready. All you hear about these affairs is that they last about 6 months....Is that really true? does anyone really calculate this stuff. I am emotionally hurt right now. Having very passionate thoughts about her, very, very...
Have not even contemplated it and two weeks ago I did and again last night and today. Home alone last night, D17 stayed over her house. took down all the Xmas stuff and put it away, rearranging furniture today and cleaning. Keeping busy and trying not to think too much about her. I know I wasn't being treated like a doormat thje other day helpingher, but in my mind I am...
AmyC, FaithfulH and 25year, I got a lot of my house rooms rearranging projects done. d17 is probably stayng at her mothers again. Been alone all day getting things done, talking to Him and asking questions. took the day slow, but I did get just about everything done. My DIL and my grandson are going to church with me tomorrow and then will spend the day here for dinner. wanted to go out and visit see some people, but I needed to get this stuff done. I have been driven to reread DB and how to survive MLC. cut to the infidelity portion of both and browsed a few other areas. Feeling things may be getting futile. AmyC you had said when things were seeming the worst to you, things were actually leaning in your favor. I hope that is true for me as well.
Stayed in last night and all day today, but it was things that needed to get done. So I won't complain. If I went out, I would have blown these things off and just felt I needed things in order., maybe the sermon from last sunday, who knows. I feel strong, but a little lost. Not backpedaling here, just feel like this situation is never going to end. Took plenty of breaks today to reflect on things, talk to Him ask more questions. I have to be strong and continue on, I know. I know my D17 has missed her mother. This is the first time she has spent the weekend with her. I'm glad for her. I am praying OM wasn't around. D17 hates him and the thought of him showing up, well she would have called me. I hope. Everything seems so futile. everything seems so , I don't know.....I am pushing forward. Clutching my cross more and more. Found my wedding albums cleaning today, Oh Joy!!! WTF!!!! buried those in the closet. really starting to think of myself as her little puppy dog the way I had to run out and help her Xmas eve. I took my time the next day only because I thought she was in the parking lot. The gas thing though. I should've sent my son, alone....My opinion of it all is that she feels I am still kissing her ass. And that has me very upset right now. I am not kissing her ass, but having to rush out Xmas eve, feeling no pain from the wine, that';s exactly what I was doing. and my kids saw it and didn't like it one bit. Anyway, just touching base with everyone. not sure how good I will sleep tonight, hopefully good. He has been with me all day and I think He is happy with my efforts and my conversation....I also know that He wanted me to help her. That somehow this means something....No rationalizing...! Excited about dinner with the kids tomorrow. Hopefully D21 and her BF remember....They had better...
My opinion of it all is that she feels I am still kissing her ass. And that has me very upset right now. I am not kissing her ass, but having to rush out Xmas eve, feeling no pain from the wine, that';s exactly what I was doing. and my kids saw it and didn't like it one bit.
LonelyD, I guarantee you that you will hear about the "gas incident" in the future....it'll be in the long list of things your W tells you softened her heart. Keep it up...and control those negative thoughts about the love your showing your W. The enemy would love to throw a wrench into the restoration of your marriage! I pray you will have a great rest tonight!
Praising God Daily, Remaining "FaithfulH" Me: 62 W: 62 D:33 S:30 & 31 Married: 40 Years BD: Sep 2006 Piecing: May 2007 2nd BD: May 2014 Working On It: Today
I pray you are right. went to church today with my DIL and grandson. almost made it thru without crying. Held my grandson tight to me to get through it.
Feel asleep late. Kept seeing images of something typed. Two different items. One kept coming back to me. Couldn't read it. told Him I need this to end. told Him I miss her and I know what I have to do, give me more strength, help me believe more in what I want. He is telling me to go on, stay strong and do not forget your pains. If I do, then this is all for nothing. D17 spent the weekend with her and hung out. Friend of mine is playing about an hour away from here and about 15 minutes from OM. He isplaying at 4. she is dropping D17 off I am sure to run down there, she has no gas money and is riding on a spare... I hope she doesn't go, but I am sure she will, to see him. God is telling me not to put these thoughts in my head, they do pop up and I quickly push them down. this needs to end....
Empty feeling inside right now. She went to see my friend play and picked up another friend on the way down. D17 asked why I didn't go, told her he would be there and I didn't need to see it. She said she is going with Kevin (friend of ours). told her, he'll be there...Just kinda of felt that mayb, I don't know something....D17 asked why I don't go on dates. Asked her when am I suppose to meet someone. Don't want to, I guess....Don't kow, feel the negative vibes riding me, the other one is hard at work right now. she must've got money from somewhere to go out afford the gas and whatever....I put a note with her bank account overdrawn statement and her new insurance card that I need the car ins money by Friday. Feel real crappy right now...dinner was good, D21 and her BF didn't make it, big surprise. I just don't know, staying strong, focus is a little blurry right now....I just feel so tired...
