One more thing to keep in mind is that your husband is in a career that is laden with young men (and women), a paramilitary culture geared toward valuing young soldiers, and the sudden (or not so sudden) realization that he is not longer one of the young bucks in the department. All of this leads men feel their own mortality, along with the death of their childhood dreams that they have not reached and, perhaps have become resigned to the fact that they are not going to reach them.
ALL of this is about your husband's feelings of failure and/or not measuring up to his own ideals/goals. You may still be HIS ideal/goal for a woman on his arm and or his wife, but none of the 'stuff' I just mentioned really have anything to do with YOU. This is YOUR ideal opportunity to polish all of your best points and sharpen some new 'best features' about you that you, others, and likely, your husband would find extremely attractive.
The only way that he is going to see not only the person he walked away from, but the person you are and are becoming is to re-orient your focus away from him and what he does to shine it on you and what you do. That way you will be able to look at his desperate attempts to recapture his youth by abandoning his wife and capturing the attention of a woman he will be bored with shortly because he is young enough (almost) to be his daughter. And now you tell me he's added a 30-year old also. Sad, but HIS business, NOT yours. What this tells me is that he's looking for YOU in his bevy of young babes. These women may simply have a badge fetish, an authority fetish, and/or a daddy fetish. Who knows? Who cares? Work on being able to say, "Not me."
Spend more time blogging here. YOUR experiences are valuable and valued here. Others need your insight, positive attitude, support, prayers and direction. Giving others gets you out of the mode of focusing on what's ailing you. Look online for support groups with women who are interesting to you. This could be a reading club, a support group (co-dependents anonymous, etc.), your church group (if you don't have a home church, check some out. You'll find some near you); choir, congregational service, bells, Sunday school, social activities, etc.
And lastly, just read up on anything that interests you so that you will be able to carry on more interesting conversations than you are able to carry on now with a wider variety of people than you presently associate with. YOU have a lot to offer. Unfortunately, sitting on the pity pot makes shining the light that emanates from you far too dim for others to see and be attracted to. Put yourself out to the world. The world is full of people who would love to have your as part of their social, professional and/or spiritual circles, but the vast people don't even know you exist.
It's up to you sunsine. Know that you are a quality person and the world is full of people who WILL find you fun, intelligent, exciting, and engaging. Dig up your roots and decide to move about. In the grand scheme of things, you may decide that husband's decision turned out to be a blessing in disguise. But, if you are intent on winning him back, put your best foot forward in making you the best YOU ever. Then, if your husband decides he does want to work on reconciling, YOU will be in the driver's seat with a well-laid foundation made up of bricks of confidence, friends, family, loved ones, interests, hobbies, new dreams and new plans for YOUR future; and depending on what YOU want, HE may or may not fit in your new life.
Find out who you are. Figure out your wants and needs. Be the best you are able to be. Get in control of you. Be in control of you. Remember, the pity pot only serves to dim the light that is sunshine. Merry Christmas. Happy New Year.
Tom
Letting Go Tom; JUST DO IT! previously hopeful_husband
my A: Fall 05 W found out: Feb 06; separated immediately W pursued D, final 7/11/07
