yet again I'll peddle 'healed withoutg scars' to help you deal with this hurt.
I too thought I'd forgiven him but anger about all the crap he's put me through rises now and then, and I had to admit i hadn't really forgiven him. My forgiveness is slow and weak, I prayed for God's forgiveness to give to him, onlythen did i start feeling I was releasing myself from that anger I felt.
I hear you hon))))))))))) it hurts, but remember that forgiveness is a process, it is not instant, it takes time, so give yourself some credit, it was pretty awful stuff you and I went through.
I also had to drop kids off, at leasts for a few hrs, and it felt awful, but it passed, sorry you felt bad yesterday))))))))))

Know that you WILL be fine, that you WILL be stronger and a better person. Your dad sounds like a wise person, listen to him \:\) I hope today finds you in better spirits.

Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2

30something
2kids
survivor of S, MLC, A, D
I have peace in my heart, at last.