Have you also backed off "the PLAN" that has him moving in AFTER the holidays...for HIS 'convenience' so he can more easily work on the dream house, and know that you have birthdays and anniversaries coming then too? Why set yourself up for such pain? Let him stay at his lovely 'month to month no commitments anywhere'...place
Let him "inconveniently" figure out a way to get to the dream house for sale...b/c if that's THE PLAN, ie selling the dream house,so HE can be free to move on his life and HIS plan....how on earth are you going to get through the time with him there in your face? Gross. That's a set up for failure. These were HIS choices in leaving and renting, etc.
IF you still hold out hope for a recon, or just need self respect and not have him see any panic attacks, why enable him to come into the home he chose to leave, and the hurt son, to make it easier for HIM TO SELL THE DREAM HOUSE????
Yes, I get that you'd also benefit from the house sale going faster, or higher, but really, it's an awful big sacrifice for YOU and a lot of risk to your heart and a LOT to expose your son to, at this time.
Why not protect yourself instead? It's not being punitive but it is setting a boundary. Consider it expensive insurance for your heart.
What if h just kept away from the "family home" as he HAS BEEN DOING ANYHOW, and continue to pay for the rental he's had and do the commute? Why change this arrangement? It's "INCONVENIENT??"" OMG, FOR WHOM???
This is a consequence his choices, LIFE, is giving him, but you are preventing them and enabling him from facing them because maybe you just really want him there...at some level you think you need him, and that neediness is NOT what he should see, but it'll be hard to hide for that long with him in the house. OMG, with the panic attacks and him right there, I think it'll be a blg back slide. Down deep, is b/c maybe you think all that pressure will do what? Wake him up? You know it won't. At least your head knows this, and where the head goes, the heart will follow...eventually.
Isn't it possible that he wants some more "Freedom" without admitting it, and to placate you or delay consequences...he said, "I'll come back...(later)...." BUT just to get ready to leave"?? wth?? How can this be good for you?
I'm not clear on this at all. I just think if you want to GAL and move on, you could seriously set yourself back. What would the 180' thing be to do? j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
