Hey S, always thankful for your views. You dont need to use kid gloves with me. I know you are not telling me what to do. I would hope by now that you know we are friends who could share some honest opinions between us. At least that's what I hope, S. So here's the thing. Would it be worse for my son if his father were not here? My opinion, yes, it would be. But as you said, I should not feel my son's feelings for him, so I do not know for sure.
But, my son is not seeing adults working through their problems. He sees two people living in a house, treating each other as aquaintances. He knows his father has said he was unhappy with his mother for things I did or didnt do and then he sees his mother accepting it all.
My h has told my son three times he is leaving. And I have watched my son watching us. He has told me he just goes through the days wondering if this is the day his dad leaves. He tries not to ruffle any feathers or cause any arguments so that maybe that wont happen. Is that healthier? I dont know. My son does not open up about things. I get little snippets of thoughts from him. I base my opinions on those.
But you are right, I think my h should leave because that is what he says he wants. And because it is not ok to have an affair and still live at home. He is cake= eating big time.
Everyone could say GAL, move forward, act as if, and I do it to some extent. But because he is right here, I cannot do it fully. My actions are taken with him in the back of my mind. It is human nature to do that I think.
But it is because I dont want my h to be two hours away from his son, that I have tolerated it this long. Because my s loves to hang with him.
So maybe in all honesty, it is me. I am having trouble moving foward with him here. And it does not have to do with our son.
Who knows? I just try to live my live according to my moral compass, with as much dignity as I can.
I just dont know if it is the right thing to have him continue to stay here, while having an affair, and our son wondering what day it will be when he leaves. He told my son last February he was going and then again in November.
My opinion is that that is not right to do to our son. Telling him, watching him cry and then staying. Stay and dont say you're going or say you're going and then go. So son knows what is going on and he could go through the stages he needs to in order to accept it.
