TxMom - how to get through the pain #3 post

[TxMomw/2girls]

LE and PM.... thanks to you and MERRY CHRISTMAS ...

I survived.... H spent Christmas Eve and all day Christmas with us ( of course b/c OW was out of town so he had no where to go)

Christmas Eve was nice and actually had a good time laughing etc.... my brother joined us and it was fine. In church when you give thanks and peace to others he leaned over and kissed me (he was going to kiss my lips but I turned my face to kiss the cheek.. we smiled) little awkward.. he was being sweet to me, looking at me alot, patting my back when I was coughing just like good ol times.

Christmas day was fine .... we played tennis in the after noon and had a good time (something we use to do alot) while our girl played with her new toys at the park.. Later that night we drove to look at this neighborhood chritmas lights and he mentioned an old friend was in town this past week and he got together with him... I said I guess you shared with him our situation... H said "yeah I told him" I asked" what do you tell people" he said not much but that this guy straight out asked if there was someone else.... my H said yes ... my H wouldn't elaborate.. he said most people don't say much and some guys will ask if there is someone else...

I am positive that right now there is nothing I can say or do that will snap my H back to reality... it will have to happen on his own time.. the guilt or pain has to be too much for him .... he does not want to look at himself... My goal at being nice and "as if" is to not give him any more of a reason to justify why he left or give him another reason to Divorce me.

He saw another lawyer a week ago I saw it on our charge account so I'm guessing I'll get filed here in another couple of weeks. I still can't believe that this is happening.... that this man walked out of our lives without an ounce of effort to work on our marriage. When will I get to the place where I want the Divorce and where I'm OK with this path my life is going.... I am stronger now b/c I have grown with my faith and know God is watching out for me but when I saw the lawyer charge my heart skipped a beat... I was surprise how that effected me and made me so sad. I think my H wants the D so he can quit saying he is separated and living in sin. what a joke.

Overall, the holiday was good and I'm glad I pulled it off for my kids to enjoy and left my H with good feelings about it.

I will check up on all of you through the weekend...