So I worry that she won't keep fighting (although she seems to be right now, taking medication and going to therapy and trying, in admittedly small ways, to take some responsibility in our marriage; but what if she gives up, or decides she doesn't want me after all?), and then I will have to make a very difficult choice, and it inspires me to see how you have come through this and the way you are dealing with that choice.
CL - to me, what your W is doing is more than small ways...if she's going through anything like what my W is going through in terms of her pain and sorrow - than she is making a bold move in trying to look into the sources of her pain - and that will be so painful for her - and for you - but if you can love her through it and offer her safe harbor then do not quite. I didn't come to my conclusion happily - it's not where I want to be - so it's more of an acceptance - but the simple truth in my situation is that my W will not get any help - and does not believe that anything is wrong with what she's done or how she's been...it's heartbreaking to me because my W is one of the most amazing people I have ever known - and she will always be one of the most amazing people I've ever known...but I just couldn't continue to make the kind of sacrifice loving her requires...it's too painful...and too destructive for me. But your wife is heading in the right direction - just don't slip into thinking that she has to help herself in order to help you marriage - she has to help herself for her first - and then, hopefully, you'll be able to work together on your M. Encourage your W - support her - just don't be critical or try to correct anything she says to you - whatever she says and feels is real to her - respect that and respect her so she feels safe enough to open up to you - and safe enough to be herself around you...Seek out SmartCookie's posts...her words will help you a lot.
