You sitch is not much different than my was with my W. She said almost the same things your H said and meant it at the time but after a couple of months ended up doing a 180 (it was not all puppies and rainbows though, she left again for the OM 6 months later then is back again after another month and dumping the OM for good, supposedly…). It takes some time for them to get past the negative thinking stage about your M but they will get there. I think it’s best to go as dark as you can so he has time to really miss you and for the honeymoon stage from the OW to run it’s course. I learn that if they come back and they still have feeling for the OP then they can easily relapse like mine did.
Relationships from affairs have about a 97% failure rate for the first 2 years. This is because the foundation is based on cheating and lies, it’s a rebound relationship, and at least one party is a known cheater (or else it wouldn’t be an affair) so there will always some trust issues. Then there’s the sacrifice that was made to be in the relationship that ends up being no better that the old one so resentment for the OP ends up becoming an issue. The WAS first blames their W/H for all their problems and sees the OP as their savoir. Once they are with the OP and the W/H is out of the picture they notice their life still sucks (and there’s guilt) so they then start to blame the OP for all their problems. They rarely understand that it’s THEY the WAS that is the source of their own problems.
For you, I'd say go dark as much as you can, when you do have to talk to the H act happy like your life is great (this will really get him since he’s struggling right now) and “as if” you are 100% content with how things are right now. Do not get into any fights with him over anything and go out with friends when you can. If he thinks you are going out with guys or that guys are wanting to date you then all the better. He needs to realize he can lose you for good which he doesn’t right now. You are a security net for him and you need to take that away so he can really think about his choices. Always be nice but don’t go out of your way to help him.
You are doing good and don’t be surprised if one day down the road he’s begging you to take him back. That day is usually the day you get over them for good and don’t want them. Some people only learn their lessons the hard way.
Me:38 W:40 Bomb/EA 03/08 Recon twice 1/09 W files for D Story
