Nlt, I'm glad you had a nice Christmas with your family. 2008 was a rough year for many of us on this site. Things can only get better in 2009. We have that to look forward to. Stay strong, NLT!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
I don't know your sitch as I have not been to your thread but I really appreciate you posting to me. I'll try to catch up on some threads when I get back home.
I'm so sorry about the death's in your family!! That is so sad!!! I do know some of the hardships with that, I lost my favorite Aunt & my brother with in 2 months. It was really tough so I do know how hard it is.
This has been a tough year & it happened so fast for me. My H told me he wanted a D & then filed the very next week & I had no ideal anything was wrong! It about blew me away.
I'm doing ok with the 180's, not quite there yet but I'm trying. I went to lunch today with a friend & I'm going to a party tomorrow afternoon/evening. I'm still praying for my xh but I'm trying not to focus on him all the time. When I think about him & the past I just say "H, I forgive you" so the light is still on but I'm trying to do things for me right now.
2009 has got to be better for all of us!!!! You are in my thoughts & prayers with all the death's & sickness in your family. I'm sure this holiday was especially rough.
Hey NLT, just wanted to tell you that in my experience around here this time of year is very reflective for everyone. You can simply expect to "look back" during this season and evaluate your year.
The good news is that the new year is right around the corner and yes, 2009 will be better for us all......
Yeah it IS a weird time, good and bad. And NLT, your sitch was a fast ass one....
Geez, too fast. Nope, I don't think it's "romantic" of the OW and your h and all. The m was in part to justify the leaving, as in, their marrying "proves" it wasn't just an A...
So sorry for that. At least you have family to support you. My younger sister had a fast divorce too, when her h of 13 years surprised her with a d, and then remarried just 30 days later (shortest legal period in that state) and then said he and his new wife were having a baby, which he had never felt "ready" for when married to my sis. The OW had left her h for my sister's, and OW had 3 kids already so her ex h got dumped too....
My sister later remarried and later on, her h died (2 months ago). But She has never been the same since her first h left her, and even though she remarried a nice guy, who then got sick and died, she has been bitter and obsessive and a drag to be around almost the whole time. (But witty!) Before her remarriage and to some extent even after, She'd call the exh' phone machine to chk his messages and then checked HER own messages for the 30 days they were divorced, to see if he'd changed his mind. That was before she knew he was remarried...she had simply turned her entire life's activities and happiness over to her exh. She Carefully scrutinized photos of him with new wife (don't ask me how she got them) and stared at the signatures on the alimony checks to determine whether her exh was happy....she'd ask me if he "looked happy" in the pictures and delighted when his hair turned grayer and white...never mind HER OWN LIFE or happiness....she was "powerless by choice."
When my h was in the middle of his mlc, my other sisters warned me of when I began to sound like the powerless sister, and boy, that SNAPPED me right out of it and I read the DB books (I liked the Remedy one better, fyi) and got me on my program of GAL, etc.
Who knows why some MLCers come back and others don't? I know only what my DB coach said, which is that the road home needs to be paved and smooth and that you have to be a woman only a fool would leave.
FWIW, my cousin and my aunt, both divorced and later remarried their ex spouses. Bad news--took 5 years...and 8 years....GOOD NEWS--both said the 2nd time around was better. Hey, it happens.
So, GAL, do 180's for YOU, have a PMA and see what the new year brings. To the new year and All of US...cheers! ( j )
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
WOW! You have been thru a lot with your sitch, you sister & your other family members.
I'm like your sister, I don't know if I'll ever be the same but I'm trying really hard, but it has been so quick. I know their marriage was rushed, my xSIL told me & I also know she trick my x with the date to rush him, I looked on the calendar & that was not the only date they could do it which is what she said. I also saw their wedding pictures, a friend of mine found them on line & as well as I know him the smile & everything about him was fake. It actually made me feel good, I looked better than she did, not that I'm saying anything about me but she looked old! MWG saw their pictures & also saw a picture of my x, me & our dogs. Another person who doesn't even know us saw both pictures & spoke of how relaxed he was in our pictures & not in the wedding. Oh well, I saw them the beginning of Nov & I don't look at them, I've only looked twice. I'm so sorry your sister went thru all she did, that must have been horrible for her. At least my divorce went on a little longer but only b/c I fought him to get alimony & the house among other things. I do keep hoping I'll hear from him but I'm not counting on it right now.
You're right, 5 & 8 years is a long time but I told my ex in a letter that I wrote to him before the divorce that if we tried our marriage would be better than ever. He was mad at me at the time so nothing else was said or done.
I'm working on the PMA & GAL, I promise I'll do my best & I really do appreciate you posting to me!!!!! You have some great advice!!!
You are right "Cheers to the New Year for all of us"!!
I wish we could all ring in the New Year together.
NO YOU ARE NOT LIKE MY SISTER....at least not the "powerless by choice" one. You are in charge of your life and you will "write the novel" of your life. Don't let life "happen" to you as you are NOT a victim...
How's that for a 2 x 4? Your h went wacko on you. He has been abducted by aliens and may not come back. Doesn't make YOU a loser. Makes him an alien...got it?
Good luck, j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
