I appreciate the thoughtful post on Christmas. Very sweet of you.
Well my hubby just left. He ended up coming over last night and staying the night and spending all day here with me and my family. We had a long conversation on the phone about this whole situation and I think got a few things sorted out at least for now.
I think you are right in that the stress from my living situation and financial situation is making these other issues feel much worse than they actually are. I know he is young and I can see he is growing in small ways. There are days when I just get so fed up with his behavior. But it is more of an annoyance and not a deal breaker. I sometimes just think I deserve the best and that the best is this fairy tale image of a man and marriage. I think we all do that to some point.
In reality he is a damaged man who is trying to find his own way in this world without really knowing where to start. So it looks a lot like flailing around and can sometimes be painful or annoying to watch. But he is also very sweet and creative and loving. So it kinda balances out. And I think you are right and he will grow out of this stage eventually. And I think that when we are back on our own he will act more grown up because he will have to be more grown up.
As far as finances and living situation we are really both quite stuck where we are. He stays in the living room of a friends house with his family. I stay here at my parents. If/when I get a job it will not make enough money to support us both. The only way I was going to be able to move out on my own was by taking a full time and a part time job. The job I will interview for at the beginning of the year would pay enough hourly but I do not know how many hours it would provide. I suppose I could find another part time job and that job. Who knows. I do know that I am not going to work and move on my own and let him come live with me and do nothing all day. I highly doubt he would do that as he is trying to find a job (more than I thought he was, he told me other places he has been trying and asked for my help with another application) but I could see that building a lot of resentment. And without his enlistment money we will not have money for a deposit saved up so it would be a few months down the road anyways.
We do not have any mutual friends period as we have always lived in two seperate cities. As sad as that sounds. So that too would be a no-go. I am not trying to shoot down ideas ITH just laying out the sitch.
We talked more tonight about jobs and moving and blah blah. I know that he knows he needs a job. He is going to fill out some apps tomorrow and make phone calls on Monday. I just wish I could get inside his head for ten minutes and see what he is thinking. It's been 2 months now!
He did not get here until late last night because there was slow moving traffic due to the ice storm and everything. So we stayed up awhile and had a good time together. And today was fine as well even though we were stuck with my family all day. We played games and watched a movie. Took a nap together which is always nice.
Bottom line for me now is that I know he is growing and trying. And I know that if I can hang in there just a little while longer we can really pull this thing together. It's just surviving the in between that is my challenge. All H's have annoying and undesirable qualities and habits. I'm sure I'm no picnic to live with either sometimes. He has a long way to go, as do we as a couple, but if I stay focused on the fact that we are very very young and that things will get better with time and effort I can stay motivated to keep on keeping on.
Thanks for dropping in ITH. I always appreciate it! Hope you had a marvelous day!
