I hope you, all the people on the DB Forum and all others dealing with their difficult marital issues have found some peace and quality time this Christmas!
Sandi, you are special because you write from the perspective of a WAW. I admire your courage and desire to share with people interested from your experience. Disregard the ones who beat you up! I wish some of your posts could be made available to the people in MLC which are using this transition period in their life to break-up marriages, with total disregard to the consequences, and also to the marriage therapists! Yes, you responded to one of my posts few months back.
Thanks for your sincere words, I recognize my W’s behavior… Both WAW and MLC. The HUGE exception is that she went through 2 PA’s, and therapy to validate her actions. Before and through our marriage therapy I was sincere and openly discussed our problems, admitted my flaws and the therapist was initially willing to help, recognizing a lack of communication from both of us, her overcontrolling behavior, however, after few solo sessions with her, she took her side. My W checked out of the M a while ago, before the therapy, and I guess the therapy was a last resort to convince everybody “we tried everything, it does not work”. After the separation I found out she was involved in an A during the therapy. Shortly after, the OM #2 appeared.
As a man who suffered a breach of trust and betrayal I felt my right last year to pinpoint the affairs to her. I just could not stomach the proof. Right or wrong from a DB point of view, it is part of human nature to react to such acts. You can imagine what her response and reaction was. Since then, I never mentioned anything about M/R/D. I let her deal with her problems and act civilized and I managed to release the tension between us, to experience me in a positive way.
My W’s MLC is much severe than others, not only because of the aging, being desired and sexy issues, there are some childhood issues unresolved too.
She has a stronger desire to travel , wanted to leave our son with me (which I was and I am ok with) and when she had the opportunities, only in the last moment she decided to take him with her. Now she is planning another vacation and is worried she could not entertain herself after she will put him to bed! How angry she was when I took a vacation with him! How I dare? On the contrary, I told her I am happy she can have some time off.
We celebrated together our birthdays, but she was way away. The fact we spent the Christmas together (and even shared gifts) does not say anything to me and, as it was posted numerous times, I don’t believe a word she is saying and only 25% of what she is doing. I posted my questions because somewhere I read that before potential reconciliation the WAW is testing the waters. What is that occasional family time together? Guilt? Desire to show people we are getting along? As I said, sometime she is normal, nice, often times cold and distant. Any advice?
You are not discouraging me Sandi, I am realistic. Could be OM #3, could be reconciliation, I don’t know and I am so sick and tired of all of this. I reached the saturation point.
I am happy our son adjusted well to the situation. Following a long period of time being neglected, it seems she is trying to pay more attention to him lately.
What is 2x4? I saw it mentioned on several other posts.
