It's Complicated! Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

GG,

thus far you win for having the wackiest holiday...yikes!... I know a guy from my neighborhood who lost touch with his family (well, he LEFT them and never contacted them so...) decades ago and NEVER contacted them again....idiot. You know, as crazy and UNcool as your exh must have been, it DID take courage and humility to call you. Good for him. Let him try to heal his life. Maybe something bad happened in his new M/R, and his s8 is someone who reminds him of all he lost with s20. IT IS A GIFT, so please don't forget that. BLESS YOU For saying you forgive him. He needed that...so did you and your son.

As for your h and calling/ not calling/thinking/ leaving messages or not...blah blah blah....do NOT overthink. Whatevs... Don't waste any energy wondering b/c for God's sake, your H doesn't understand why he does the stuff he does, how on earth can YOU?

Same for the other guy calling you to wish you a nice holiday. I did the same for an old male friend of mine b/c I know he's lonely. I really hope he isn't reading into my phone call, b/c I honestly reached out to him as a friend, maybe a little like a sister. He could read into it, and that'd be a drag for me. SO unless you have some guy come right out and spill his guts to you, don't read into anything. Take words at their face value. With your h, of course, you can only read half...

All in all, your h was 50% present, which is better than last year but not enough for you in the long run....so take THAT R one day at a time....and an old flame and the father of your first child, made reached out to you. So did his family. That's a big gift to you. And a nice guy reached out to reassure you that you are not alone, and that you have a friend in him. If he means more, it'll be revealed. For now, isn't it nice to know you have a friend and IF he means more, it means a guy finds you attractive enough to call on this holiday. Hey, another gift either way!

Is your real fear with your h that he was with some OW, or partying or what? I mean, if he was really alone and depressed, Geez, He has some issues of his own to work on and you can't get him out of that hole. In fact, you really have to step back. Indeed, n[b]o matter why he wasn't there, you have no control.[/b] The things you've tried, which amount to various forms of pursuing, have failed so we know that doesn't work. The times he starts to come around are when you are GAL or being upbeat and backing off, so we know what DOES work, to the extent anything does.

Remember that the definition of insanity is repeating the same behavior, but expecting different results. Don't go down any cheeseless tunnels anymore, and ask yourself before you call or contact him, what your goal is and whether the remark is really likely to lead you to your goal.



Ohhh, yikes. This year's award for weird but pretty darn good holidays...goes to YOU... (of course, there are a few posts I have yet to read and there are lots of WAS that get wacky this time of year....)
j-