Was that a speedbump or a milestone?

[sleeper]

I've always had an internal clock and compass. Don't know how or why. Apparently my subconscious has them too. Even when not consciously thinking about it I become sad near the anniversary of my father's death. I've always been able to point the right general direction to travel.

This Christmas marks the two year anniversary of "the bomb." At first I was depressed but at the same time I know it is time to tie up loose ends so to speak and move on with my life. I confess I have been living a half-life, with one eye forward and one looking back at X, doing things for myself with their affect on possible reconcilliation in mind at the same time.

I plan to bring this D to an end, find a more permanent place for myself and kids, get the rest of my belongings out of that house and get a different vehicle. I plan on being friendly to X (she's more and more friendly to me as time goes by, WTF?) and help her when and if it's convenient and beneficial to me and our children.

I don't really know what's going on with X anymore. At first she seemed to be followiong the mlc schedule pretty well. She seems to have hit bottom a couple of times and bounced right back up. Although she looks and acts OK she often tells me she is exhausted and has difficulty multitasking the simplest things like talking to me about kidswap schedules while she is sweeping the kitchen floor. She is sick (again) and said something about animal hair as OM's cats are staying with her again and she is allergic. I'm not even going to try to figure that one out as she made him take his cats back at one time because of her allergies.

Like I said, I'm not sure if that was a speedbump or a milestone but you'll have to excuse me as I depress the accelerator and get back to driving my life for a change.