Anger = Healing?

[Livin4ME]

It so funny the different stages to healing and how just when you think you're on your way, more emotions pop up.
I thought I was well on my way to healing. And maybe I am, but it hurts so bad. I am so angry! And that makes me even angrier! lol
I know my M is over. For me, there will never be a chance of reconciliation. And you would think that after everything that has already happened, I wouldn't be this mad. That I would be past the anger. But the last month or so, it's just gotten worse. I don't like the word hate. I think that life is too short for hatred, but ya know, I really hate him right now. I think that I pushed my anger away for so long and now it's finally all coming out and I can't push it away anymore. I can't even look at him without wanting to say something that hurts him. I can be fine and as soon as I see him when he picks up the kids, its like a switch that goes off in me.
Today is hard. He picked up the kids. My family is in a different state. The few friends I have are with their families. I have his parents here, but they're HIS parents. I'm just a mess today. And I was fine until he picked up the kids. As soon as they left, I started crying. And it didn't help that he gave me a present from the kids that I know SHE bought. I don't want it! They didn't pick it out. They didn't give it to me. I'd rather have them here and getting their hugs and kisses than the stupid body lotion sample pack she paid for! I'm half tempted to put it in a different gift bag and hand it back to him tonight when he drops the kids off. Give a new meaning to regifting!
I talked to my dad about it and he says to put it in the closet with the Mother's Day gift she paid for. (Which is the SAME friggin thing) He says, "Be the better person." But I'm tired of being the better person! He says when I move outta the house, leave it in the closet so when she moves her stuff in, she'll see it.
And no stores are open today! So I can't even do retail therapy! lol I'm a mess!
I just hope this is the 'peak' of this particular stage in the healing process. Are the others this raw and painful?