The positive attitude here means a lot to me - especially since it encourages changes in our lives for the right reasons - and never out of spite or anger.
VV - did you end up celebrating tonight?
I ended up with a huge surprise tonight - since it turned out that my father had flown back into town and was there in his house tonight when my S11 and I went by...my son told me it was the first time he had ever seen my cry for joy with anyone other than him...it really did mean a hell of a lot to me to see my dad tonight...it was just wonderful...
It was also nice to be around his family - since they're more like friends to me than family - and I tend to see them just once every year or two...My father's SIL commented on how good she thought I looked - telling me that I looked very happy and healthy and had a great haircut...I thought it was very sweet of her to say these things - and imagined it came from her own recent experience of having ended her marriage just a few years ago (she's now happily remarried). When her marriage fell apart, she lost a lot of weight and really improved herself - and I think she was kind of letting me know that she understood what I was going through by focusing on some positives...it was very sweet of her...
While at my father's I also found myself growing even further away from my W...realizing just how easy it is for me to be happy (happier?) without her...I expected to think about her a lot while I was there...but she hardly came to mind at all - other than when my sister or my father's wife asked me about how I was doing...everyone there is still very surprised at what happened - and I think it's just because I never once, in the ten years we were together, told anyone else in my family about my W's abusive side...I just focused on her wonderful side - the best of her - which is what she always presented around my father and his family...around my mom she wasn't so "ideal" - maybe because she respects my mom less, maybe because my mom has a way of pushing people's buttons...I don't know...but there were times when my mom caught glimpses of my W's anger and her irrational attitude toward my S11 - and she only just recently stopped trying to bring it up all the time - after I had asked her to stop being so negative about my W...since there is much more to her as a person than just her pain and the anger that comes from that pain...I know my wife is suffering...I just also accept the fact that I cannot help her and that I cannot live with her anger and animosity.
But I really don't want to write about my W much...since she wasn't on my mind that much today at all...what I do want to share is something my S11 said as we were driving from my father's back to my mother's house - out of the blue, my S11 said, "I have a beautiful life." And went on to tell me about how much love he feels all around him - from his mom and her family to me and my family - and then he told me that he felt like I wasn't a dad like other dads because he could talk with me about anything and that I had helped him get through some really tough things lately and still be very happy...on top of my father being here...hearing my son say these things made it one of the best Christmases of my life...something I never thought I would have written when I looked toward this trip at the beginning of November, just after my W moved out...My life has changed in a huge way, and I am grateful.
