I guess it's that willingness to push through personal pain that matters most - it is so very hard and frightening to do - to face our own demons and the demons we've inherited but the lessons learned are unmistakable.
We're willing to do this, but our other 1/2s are not. That is the difference and actually that is what DBing is about...getting ourselves better for the long run and if the ones we love decide to join us on the ride, then great. If not, we're better than ever and more capable of understanding ourselves and how to love the right way.
You also said "I had no idea how self-defeating it was to be a fixer". Ain't that the truth? You can't see it b/c you are so close to it. However, once you step away, it is as plain as the nose on your face. This "awakening" is what leads to our growth.
