It's Complicated! Part 2

[25yearsmlc]

GG,
interesting wacky coincidences... but two thoughts came to mind. First, of course contact the xh since he has reached out to you and that took some serious effort on his part Maybe he's sick and dying or making amends...who cares? Even if you have NO interest, your son deserves the chance to hear his father's words...

Ironically, you hesitiate to return the contact from your xh when it must have taken a lot to get him to reach out to you and his/your son after all these years...yet you obsess about your present (but AWOL at Christmas) h finally returning one of your several messages, calls or texts, AND then not leaving a message. Now you want to CALL HIM??? I'm sorry but I don't get it. What happened to "no expectations"? What happened to "zero pressure"?

It's Christmas and he's hiding from his own kids and wife, and it isn't the first time.
He's in a hole. Don't go digging for him. As for the kids, what have you been telling them all this time? I mean, why would they expect him to be there if he has missed 4 in a row? For them, this is "normal". He's too busy this year, or can't make it, or whatever....but he loves them and sends his best and if there are any presents from the "both" of you, great. The thing is, they're looking at YOU to see if Christmas really is okay this year, or if it's going to stink again b/c daddy hurt mommy's feelings...remember that the feeling a child gets when a lonely parent commits suicide is that the child feels as if his own welfare wasn't enough of a reason for the LBSer to go on...and in a way, it's the same when LBSers show their kids that the hurt they feel from the WAS outweighs all the love and joy and importance their children provide...

Let your h go for now and be with your children. Please stop thinking of him and get the STOP SIGN out so you don't keep obsessing. He's an alien and he's not on the same planet right now. IF you see him this holiday, so what? Be pleasant, and do as Snodderly suggests. HE missed out, not you!!

Make sense? Where the head goes, the heart will follow. Get your head on straight about this and your heart will be in alignment, with time and God's help.

I hope your contact with your son's father goes well. Listen to what he has to say. If he just wants to make amends, accept them and let it go. THAT man has lost a great deal as has your son.

I don't want to carp too much on this, but I have to ask, what happened with your first M that there'd be NO contact between the father and son? Is there any similarity between the men you chose to marry? What role do you think you played in either or both M's issues? Hey, no one here is blaming, just looking for solutions and patterns that we can identify.

Any 180's or new "traditions"? Sounds like the sistah time is a good one...

In the meantime, good luck with the XH's contact and your s20...I'm praying for it to be a healing, enlightening experience. I am NOT suggesting you tell h of this, but it'd be very interesting to know HIS reaction when he learns....oh well, la dee dah..
(( j )0