And another good point - I invited W, and she came. Although it was pretty sucky, it was my goal. "Have dinner/lunch together as a family."
Goal accomplished, considering that she would have instantly turned down an invite.
My next goal: "Completely detach and allow W to initiate a friendly conversation - I'm sure any such conversation would start with kids, but I want to see it segue. I don't care if we talk about the birds..."
