Although DB books say avoid ultimatums unless you're absolutely going to enfoce them, I think a lot of people are helped by deadlines at least internal ones. It gives them the light at the end of the tunnel of limbo. The WAS/MLCer does not need to be told this, b/c it's for you so, just know in your own heart how long you'll give 100% and then, you can decide at that point, whether you can go another round, or not. At least you'll know someday, it'll end for you and you'll be in a good place, with or without h.
Something to think about. ANd THINKING IT THRU--if your h is under the same roof you have a gift/curse. He gets to see your changes and GAL/PMA and you don't bring up R talk or initiate it AT ALL...and act as if...that's the good part. If you can create a home of warmth and support and FUN upbeat GAL with the kids or your extended family, it'll be that in his mind he'd also be leaving. But endless "talking" is like torture to the MLCers, and they'll flee it if they can. Back off big time. Let it be, for now.
The bad part is wanting to scream when he gets weird, but having to remain calm anyhow. SOmetimes my h would act sooo wacky or selfish, I'd take a shower and turn it over to God, out loud, like a 100 times. I got that from a Marianne Williamson book on Handling Fear or Return to Love. She's a bit new agey for many, but her books on forgiveness really helped me stay sane.
Merry Christmas, and good luck EVERYONE HERE! j-
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
