aliens undercover: married to the pod

[hoosiermama]

I wanted to let you know that I received Christmas cards--with photos--from both bil's/sil's. No personal notes--but what could they say? They just came yesterday (just now got the mail)and I certainly wasn't expecting them. And they were addressed to D and me.

One line in the annual Christmas letter from my St. Louis in-laws made me tear up. They're celebrating their 30th anniversary this year--she got married 6 months out of high school. They're millionaires now, have been quite well off as long as I've known them. I know the early years were rough financially, tho. She reflected that their children are mostly grown (the youngest is a junior in HS) and so they spend a lot of time as a couple--and they still enjoy each other. I could go on and on--she's one of the most negative people I've ever met, they are world travellers and have money to do whatever they want whenever they want, she has the time and resources to have several hobbies and diversions because she hasn't had to work in 20 years. However, I have to admit they are still in love, they have always made couple time, they still hold hands. The other bil-sil also show each other affection when we're all together, they're also quite well off. For years it's made me sad that at family gatherings, H is always in a different room from me, rarely makes contact, just falls back into his youngest-son-take-care-of-me routine. I always feel isolated and--sad. If I went to sit with him, it was fine, but he'd eventually leave and go elsewhere. Maybe I was just more sensitive to it.

But we've always struggled--first just to be together, then with baby losses, always financially until fairly recently, often with me working nights. I wonder if the other brothers and their wives are there today looking at D and H and thanking God for giving them their families, their relationships, their many blessings--and thinking it's not surprising that we're not together.

I know, I know--this thinking isn't getting me anywhere. Envy isn't an attractive thing. It's just that I've felt this for several years--wanting their kind of relationships but having no idea how to do it. Is it really just me--if the other brothers can be successful, happy, and non-dysfunctional, did H just need a different partner to do so?