Initially I posted in the newbie’s forum, but I thought to start a new thread here, hoping I will get more insight, especially from women who went through MLC and restored their marriages. I don’t want to vent, I simply want some information. I understand that a potential wake-up does not necessarily mean marriage restoration.
We all know there are triggers that start the MLC behavior, my first question is; are there any triggers that stop it? Not me fixing her, this is out of the question.
My W is so selfish and self centered right now and the sad thing is she doesn’t even realize it. It is only about her, about her problems. In the past she opened a little and this gave me false hopes for a potential reconciliation. She is 41 and the first signs of MLC (fear of menopause, fear of aging, etc.) started in 2005. 2 A’s since 2006… It seems to me my W is in very severe MLC and things go downhill day by day. It is so pathetic to see how hard she is trying to look younger (dressed like a teenager, heavy make-up, etc.). The more she tries, the older she looks.
My second question is what can trigger the new circle of “friends” (ALL divorced or in MLC) to be broken? Except for one, neither of her “friends” knows me directly. The only one who knows me went through numerous A’s, but portraits herself as happy, and this is my W’s model (independent, no children, free to party, to globetrotting,…) She encouraged my W behind my back and the paper cannot stand the words she used. Before my W’s MLC she shared with me the lousy life her “friend” was running and now it is her model! My W is very proud, stubborn, determined, manipulative and pays attention to what other people are saying. She broadcasted to the world our separation and everywhere blamed me for our M failure. She went to therapy “to be helped and not criticized” and she is milking sympathy everywhere. She changed completely and she runs parallel lives, depending on the entourage. Drinking and partying are the norm. Same is the obsession about her looks and $. The literature she is reading is “Why Men Loves Bitches”, “How To Live With or Without a Man” and similar stuff + articles on male sexuality.
When we meet, she either acts cold and distant, or depressed. However, in the pictures she showed me from various events she attended she is all smiling and always with a drink in her hand. From me she has all the famous and infamous space such women are asking for, no pressure, no M/R/D talks. Definitely I don’t want this version of my W and I perfectly understand she will never be what she was, but neither she will be what she is now.
Third question is what actually make the MLC’rs wake-up? I know each situation is different, there is no silver bullet, however I would welcome some examples from people who went through this.
