Aren't sisters great. I adore mine. I have found that time spent with other women in the family is a real gift. It is one of the most empowering things women can do for themselves, I think. My mom, sis and I have even done vacations together in the last couple years. As women, we get so wrapped up in our kids and husbands, and all that implies and we forget about ourselves. Time with other women with whom you can be yourself and find understanding, I think is a great way to re-juvinate.
Enjoy your time with you sis!!
And, 25years, I'd love it if you stop by my thread and apply some that infinite wisdom you seem to have to my sitch!!
TJ
Me45,H49 D24,S18 M26,T28 Bomb 3/19/08 Sep 6/23/08 EA/PA with Secretary 2007-8 3/2009 H moved in w/OW2 7/2009 Let him go w/Love. 8/2009 Legally Sep'd
Glad your sister arrived safely. Too bad she has such a short visit with you.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
GG, 25Years has given you excellent advice and her posting is spot on. Your h has run right back up into the tunnel and many of them do for this particular holiday more than others. Why? Because it's a family time, time for fun, laughter, happiness and togetherness. Your h isn't far enough along yet to enjoy this holiday (again) yet. He thought he was and he did try to put his best foot forward, but then got cold feet. I noticed he said he would see you over the weekend. He's waiting until the holiday is over and your sister has returned home. He's just not ready to face the family scene of the holiday. He's also giving you time to cool down as well.
When you do have contact w/him, remain, cool and calm. Yes, he screwed up and disappointed you, but you survived and the holiday was "saved". Let it go and just be friendly, but don't volunteer a lot of information about what you and your family did. If he asks about the holiday, keep the answers rather casual. I would venture to say he will stay holed up in his little place and keep his head covered up today and tomorrow. He's not happy w/himself and what he's done, believe me on that one.
As for you, continue to move forward and look to 2009 for new resolutions. One of them being the best you can be and yes, more detaching and leaving him at the curb. It's time that you live your life to the fullest and do not wait on him. If he truly wants to be w/his family, he will do what is necessary to start running to catch up w/you and your children.
Enjoy the holiday w/your family! That's what is important right now.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thanks so much Snodderly, MWG, and NLT. Yes, he must be holed up. I did not hear from him nor do I think I will here from him until Sunday.
I am not sure what to say to the kids when they ask where dad is. They are young and I try not to say much, but they are also smart kids. I usually say something like sorry dad couldn't make it and leave it at that.
It is all so foreign to me. I have never stayed away from family or have carried such grudges, but I know that's me. I couldn't possibly understand WHY someone would stay away from their children on Christmas regardless of what they might be carrying inside them.
We made some goodies last night and then watched a Christmas movie. The kids really like having sis here. I can't believe it's Christmas Eve today.
I peaked outside this morning and more snow dusted the car. I am wondering when is this all going to end and we go back to normal. Looks like Saturday will be warmer temps and showers.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
GG, If your children ask about their father, just say "he was unable to make it, but he loves you very much". Keep it very simple.
I'm glad you and your sister had a great time last evening....baking, watching a movie. Those are the memories that you will hold near and dear in the years to come. More snow? Hopefully, the storm will move out of your region in the next day or so...just think....a white Christmas and Santa can come in his sleigh!
As your MIA h, my xh hasn't been to visit his family on Christmas in a very long time. He did visit an uncle two years ago w/his brother, but didn't take nor mention the HO he had married. All of his cards are signed by him and only him. The HO is nonexistent w/the family. They do withdraw from the family for periods of time and it looks like your h is having difficulty w/the family scenario at Christmas. Just let him be and go on w/your own family "show". It's his loss, not yours.
If you go out, drive safely.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
H reached out to me today and called early today. I was getting a few calls from others too and didn't answer my phone since I went back to bed. He did not leave a message.
I was suprised I heard from him. I miss his company so much. I slept so much today. This is very unusual for me. I wonder too if this isn't some form of depression, creeping in.
I feel a little better today. Reaching out to family and friends and I know sounds silly, but the fact my h called makes me feel a little better. At least I know he was thinking of me, even though he won't be spending time with us.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Ok I am kinda freaking out now. My ex h wrote on my facebook wall. I haven't heard from him in 14 years. He never kept in touch. He left me and my s20 and never looked back. Never paid any support. I moved on with my current h and never looked back either.
Now he is reaching out and asking for photos of S20 and gave us his phone number. I am not sure what to do with all of this info.
It seems so weird right now.
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Glam, Your first h is reaching out for some kind of connection w/you and his son. I suspect he's feeling guilty about walking out the door many years ago. What to do? Respond to him and it wouldn't hurt to send him some photos of your son.
I suspect your first h is coming to you at this time to take your focus off of your current h and the situation. Glam, everything happens for a reason....God works in mysterious ways. Do not doubt the whys or what ifs right now. You have nothing to be afraid of and you know...you have the power to hit the delete and disconnect button at any time. You are very proud of your son, so take the high road and send him a photo or two. He's curious for a reason.
As for your current h....he's feeling very guilty for shutting you out yesterday. He's also curious to know just how you and your sister made out. If you do speak to him, be friendly and happy. Show this man that you can do things w/o having to ask him. He needs to sense and see that you are a very capable woman and a classy one as well.
Merry Christmas!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
