Hi Jon, I sort of met you over on AmyM's thread. I'm Sandi and I was an almost WAW. I am concerned that unless your wife receives professional help for the abuse she suffered growing up that she is not going to find the peace and stability that she needs to maintain a R with anyone. Why would she not go back to see that counselor after just one visit, did she say? I think she needs somebody higher up than just a "counselor" for her problems, but you can't force her to go. If you decide to stand for your M, you are in for a bad rollercoaster ride. If you "drop the rope" then you may be able to move forward and find peace for yourself and try to give the children some type of stability. That would be my concern......as I can see that the children ARE your concern that they do have stability in their life. That is very, very hard to do under these circumstances where they are getting shifted around every three or four days. I don't know the laws in your state, but do you think you could get full custody of the children? I know that it is popular now days for D couples to do the "co-parenting" thing, but I don't know how children would ever feel "settled" moving back and forth every few days. I understand though, that the parent that would just get them on weekends would feel cheated and I may be thinking very old fashion, it's just that I feel so badly for the kids these days. I can't imagine being a child and going back and forth between two houses all the time.
Well, I apologize. I sure did not make you feel better by expressing MY feelings, did I? I know this is killing you and I can tell by your posts that you try to take special time with the kids and that they are important to you. That is one thing I have noticed here on the DB board about so many dads.....their children ARE the most important thing to them, whereas years ago it was just kind of "understood" that the W would have the kids to raise and the dad would just see them every other weekend......which certainly is not enough. In a case like yours where the mother is the one that is very unstable, she certainly does not need to have full custody. So, I don't know what the best answer to that would be. It is just hard any way you look at it.
Jon, I wished I had good advice for you, but all I know to say at this point is to continue to study (not just read) the DR book, read the threads here on the board and post to others so you will get aquainted with them and it will build up your support group. You will be surprised how that will give you strength. You will make friends here if you give it a chance. You can come here and vent or journal anything you want. It's a good idea to tell us that is what you are doing if you are venting and don't want advice (lol) or you may get it. But, if you are seeking suggestions or advice and if any of us know what to say, we will do our best. If we don't know.....well, you will know that we are here in your corner.
Do you have a plan in motion? There are more than one way of approaching your DB plan of opperation. I gathered by scanning over your posts that you are trying to go dark, but as you said, that is hard to do switching the kids back and forth, but you can certainly "detach"!
This is Christmas Eve morning and I can't believe another year has rolled around. I have told some others what my New Year's resolution is going to be......and I realize you don't know me, so you won't really understand the reasons behind mine, but this can apply to anyone in any stitch. I will invite you to join me in the same resolution.....and that is that I resolve to be the best I can be and do the best I can do under whatever circumstances come my way. You know, if we are the BEST we can be......that is ALL that we can be.....what more could be expected?
I wish you well, Jon. I hope you will have a Merry Christmas in spite of your circumstances and just stay focused on what Christmas is all about and not be consumed with your stitch. Try to do this for the kids.
I hope you will visit me. I am over in the "Piecing" forum under Sandi is in Piecing and Things are Gtting Better.
Take care, Sandi
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
