The house is under contract for $253K. The inspection is tomorrow, so I've got my fingers crossed that nothing major comes up and this baby can be a go. I need OUT!
I'm looking at apartments that will put me closer to work and my D. The rents are around $750-$800, but the utilities will be drastically reduced, so I should be able to save $300 or so a month from living here. Plus, I will cut down on the miles travelled, so that too will be a plus.
Ok, the ring...well, on Dec. 26th last year, XW decided to buy a new wedding ring so we could renew our vows. This was the most baffling part b/c about 2 1/2 weeks after buying the ring, she's accusing me of sexually assualting her and restarting her affair w/ the Snake at work.
Anyway, we put it on the joint credit card that we still have to pay off and she has the ring in her possession. So, not only does she have to pay 1/2 of the remaining balance on the credit account, but she's supposed to sell the ring and give me 1/2. Well, not only did she have both bands soldered together, but the jeweler we bought the ring from is out of business. So, now it is trying to wholesale it and maybe get 1/2 of the original value for it. As usual, she's sitting on this one too.
So, if all goes well w/the house sale, we'll only have the ring and credit card to deal with plus the evaluations of our pensions. The cost for that is about $700 w/ $500 down and she's pissed about that too. Anyway, I do hope that after the new year I can get that ball rolling and thus force her end as well. Those three things will cut the ties for good.
D is ok w/selling the house, actually. She has been warped by XW to believe that it is safer to live in an apartment than in a house and she wants me to move closer to her. I'm hoping she can keep this attitude and have this not be so difficult for her when/if it does all go down.
As for the dogs, my little guy is getting used to being alone, but his transition has been tough for him. XW won't let us see the other dog, so I do miss him terribly and his brother misses him too. It is too bad she cares so little about anything except herself.
Finally, D and I will be flying Christmas Day to see my family in Seattle and my aunt in Vancouver, BC. It will be a quick 4 day visit, but a nice time to go and a good tradition for us to start for us. I know she'll have a blast w/her cousins as they all love her.
Yes, XW does seem to still have feelings for me b/c her anger just won't go away. I'm still convinced she wanted to "punish me" and she'll regret the whole thing in the not to distant future. We'll see, but I think I'm right.
I didn't leave her, but yet she's the one who is angry and bitter. It doesn't add up, but then again, not much she does really makes any sense to me. Oh, well. Not much I can do w/it.
I do also see some unenlightened people everywhere, so you aren't alone. The world is filled w/people who have problems b/c the world is full of people - and you ain't human if you ain't got any issues. Anyway, I just don't see enough of us out there w/the courage, strength or patience to push through their personal pain in order to become better for themselves as well as for the people around them.
However, I can't condemn them b/c we all have support from somewhere - some of us only get it from here - that gives us the courage and strength to face our demons and chop 'em down. I just wish more of the "unenlightened" would have someone to help them along too. The world would then be such a pleasant place, wouldn't it?
But, if that were the case, there'd be no war and no political posturing, and the like and we'd all just be rather boring, I suppose.
Besides, it is such good theatre to sit and people watch the "unenlightened" throughout their daily routines. What would we "enlightened ones" do for fun if they weren't around? No, I think we need them to help keep this world spinning on its axis correctly.
I didn't leave her, but yet she's the one who is angry and bitter. It doesn't add up, but then again, not much she does really makes any sense to me. Oh, well. Not much I can do w/it.
I keep wrestling with this one myself...even my SIL brought it up a couple days ago when she called to wish me happy holidays - she asked about my W's holiday plans, I said I had no idea - and she responded by saying, "she got everything she wanted, why is she still mad at you?" SIL decided not to go home for the holidays this year - just to avoid my W and their dad.
I think a lot about the relationship mistakes people make - and wonder why it's so wired in us to make certain mistakes - and how we can do better. I think about my boys a lot, and what I can tell them about life, and what I can model for them in terms of achieving a healthy relationship - and yet I wonder and worry if it will be enough...since there's just no predictor of whom my boys with fall in love with and maybe marry.
I guess it's that willingness to push through personal pain that matters most - it is so very hard and frightening to do - to face our own demons and the demons we've inherited but the lessons learned are unmistakable.
Before all this happened to me, I had no idea how self-defeating it was to be a fixer - and I had never even considered the word detached in terms of love...this process changes everything...as I'm discovering on my first trip home to my family since this all started.
So glad that you're traveling with your lovely D for the holidays - sometimes a short trip is just enough to get the love you need (and not the issues).
I guess it's that willingness to push through personal pain that matters most - it is so very hard and frightening to do - to face our own demons and the demons we've inherited but the lessons learned are unmistakable.
We're willing to do this, but our other 1/2s are not. That is the difference and actually that is what DBing is about...getting ourselves better for the long run and if the ones we love decide to join us on the ride, then great. If not, we're better than ever and more capable of understanding ourselves and how to love the right way.
You also said "I had no idea how self-defeating it was to be a fixer". Ain't that the truth? You can't see it b/c you are so close to it. However, once you step away, it is as plain as the nose on your face. This "awakening" is what leads to our growth.
To all of my friends who have been w/me since I signed on nearly a year ago I want to thank you dearly for your love, concern, compassion, and friendship.
I also want to wish you all a very Merry Christmas.
I'm heading to Seattle in the morning w/my D and I'll check back w/everyone when I get back on the 29th.
Hello everyone! I hope you all had a nice holiday. We had fun in Seattle w/my family and D really loved the snow.
We drove north to my aunt's house in British Columbia and it kept dumping snow all Christmas day and the day after. D loved playing in the snow as she hadn't seen it that deep before. She'd been in snow in Indiana, but not that type of snow. So, it was fun.
D had a blast w/her cousins and my brother and sister and she was sad to have to go. I'm glad she enjoyed it so much b/c now we can plan to do our own things w/my family each year that will be special for her.
D left w/XW and her new boyfriend tonight to see her family in Indiana. I called to talk w/D before they boarded the plane and sent a text asking if they arrived safely, but to no one's surprise, there isn't a response from XW.
Oh, well. I'm working on plans for tomorrow, but not sure what I'll be doing as of yet. Maybe nothing, to tell the truth. I'm not much for partying any more as I can't seem to stay up later than 11.
The 10-day escrow period is up tomorrow, so by this time tomorrow, I should know if the buyer has backed out, if the buyer has a massive to-do list for me, or if the buyer is taking it as-is w/little to no touch-ups to perform. I'm on pins and needles a bit although I knew this lady would string things out b/c that's how she's operated this whole time --- very, very deliberate.
If I get good news, I can move forward w/securing an apartment which will be a huge relief for me. So, this weekend, I've got things to do for school as well as some hopeful packing to get done for a quick move.
I'm crossing my fingers, legs and toes for the sell of the house!
What great memories you made with your daughter at Christmas. No child ever forgets playing in massive snow.
New Years Eve is such a funny time. You can do whatever you want... sleep, hang out with friends, go out to a bar/restaurant and just people watch sending women's hearts atwitter when you look their way and smile. Lots of choices, my friend.
*hugs*
PS.. and here's a *kiss* for you... but save it til midnight!
