I just think any and all R talk is doomed to fail...especially when we're DBing and there is a WAS...So...when it comes up, I listen briefly, and then just find a way to change the subject as naturally as I can...I NEVER correct anymore - nor do I try to defend myself or change her POV.
A T recently told me that whenever we defend ourselves the other person feels unheard...and when it comes to R talk - that's the major problem - R talk - and the accusations we hear often lead to our wanting to defend ourselves...and then our partners feel unheard, and the talk has failed - and they leave feeling that nothing has changed...so...when it comes up, I listen...then talk about our baby boy - or about her work or about anything else that she might be doing - or might have mentioned...though I am kind of working from memory here, since we haven't actually "talked" since she moved out in November...but before then, oh boy, I made my share of mistakes by allowing R talk to go on for too long - and defending myself - and trying to have her see a different perspective - it was only in the month before she moved out that I had changed my approach completely...which was also part of the reason I asked her to move out...
