TOH, I will try to answer your question w/what I have read from your postings. Your h is still very much in replay w/a mix of depression and withdrawal. The anger comes into play when you point out what he's not doing to your expectation. I could be very wrong, but your man is no way near acceptance. He's still got a lot of issues to deal w/and each and every time he has to focus on you, your comments, etc., it makes his journey just a little bit longer. That's why it is very important to just leave them be. If they come around, be kind, bit your tongue and then beat the heck out of a pillow when they are gone.
Your home should be a safe place for him to land, but when he pushes your buttons, you react, thus the safe haven is gone. Take a page out of Midwestern's book. Read her postings and you will see that it's taken her a very long time to get to where she is today. Patience, patience and more patience are in the bag of tricks that you have within your grasp.
Try to remember, this journey is not about you, but all about him. He's the one that is searching for answers, he's the one that is lost and he's the one looking for the lighthouse in the dark. Put the candle in the window so that it shines in his direction, make your house the safe haven that it has been before. No more challenges, no more pointing fingers, only kindness, compassion and patience this holiday season. Miracles can and do happen during this time of the year. All you have to do is have some faith in yourself, your h and the man upstairs. All he asks is that you turn this over to him and allow him to do what is necessary to heal your h and bring him home to you.
Can you do this? Can you please turn it over to him?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
