Oh, Nikki, I thought it was October THIS year!! I have read since then...and glad that things are in a good place for you \:\) I was really looking into going to your New Year's party, but time got away from me, and my vacation will be broken up with back and forth time with the kids. I had 1/2 day today, and don't go back until the 5th.

My friends, I am agreeing with you - we aren't going to go. I anticipate being labeled bitter, still hung up on him and not strong, not putting the kids first, blah blah, blah.

lwb, I was actually looking at this directly opposite of how you posted it:
Quote:
You aren't letting him 'off the hook' by not going, just like you wouldn't be 'punishing' him by going.


I think if I WENT, he would feel off the hook. Hey, see, everything turned out just fine for us all - no damage done! We can all still be one happy family for appearances sake. His family wants to see my kids, he can schlep them down there, or they can come up and visit here. Maybe actually call me once in a while to say hi, how are you?
But I'm also not trying to "punish" him by keeping the kids away from him or his family, either...this is all about me. I really don't want to have to take 3 xanax to make it through my holiday, you know?

GG said that I have to face him sometime. Right now, I am thinking that he doesn't deserve to be around me and the kids (although I always stick to the visitation plan). It is coming out as black-and-white thinking right now, I know it. But either fix it or just go away... In all his actions, it seems that he has just tried to cut me out of his life with a scalpel and replace me with this other woman and her kids. He even kept some of the traditions that we started together, just plugging her into my place. It is twisted.

The reality is that they all want to play happy family, like nothing at all has changed - after all, what has really changed for THEM? If I show up with the kids and he is there, we can all pretend that everything is just fine. They don't see us going home in separate cars, him to a girlfriend that he started an affair with. They don't have to think about what kind of person he really is, able to lie in the face of those who loved and trusted him most, threatening his then-wife's life, leaving me to die on more than one occasion. No, he is still good-guy Chuck, right? After all, he LOOKS the same, and well, he never brings HER up, so everyone can just have "a nice visit."
My BIL hit it right on the head when he said to his mom, "Well, Chuck didn't do anything to me..." Yep, he's right.

****

On another note, S13 and I got into a fight just before the kids were heading to their dad's for the overnight. He has been throwing this defiant thing around, questioning every decision that I make or ignoring me all together. Like going up to the bus stop with no coat on in 10 degree weather. Telling me he'll "do it later" when asked to do something. All normal teenage stuff. But not the time I want to get into it with him.

I am going to pay attention to the timing of these things, too...seems to be when he is stressed about visiting his dad. But how do I balance that out, while still getting him to respect my authority? Well, if it wasn't stress about this, I guess it would be another trigger that stressed him out and brought out the beast!

So, its quiet for 24 hours. I am setting up the nativity tonight. The kids will look for the baby in the cradle when they get up on Christmas morning, and I'll switch out the Three Kings on camel-back for them giving thanks in the manger on 1/6. I have a Fontanini set, and I love reading the stories that come with each figure as I set them out every year.