A Sailor's Christmas

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

Well, I will simply say this. With SMW part if the problem is that she does make mountains out of molehills sometimes.

I kindly disagree, Ian. I don't think ANYONE makes mountains out of molehills when that person is clearly expressing the distress they feel about their current sitch. It might seem like the solution is very obvious to one person or several people so what's the issue, but for someone else, they might need a little more help and understanding. They might need to hear that some others can relate. They might need validation for their own feelings.

IMO this is done to keep her focus on anything but focusing on herself completely and letting go of her situation.

I don't think it's done intentionally, and telling someone to let go of their sitch is always easy for those of us on the outside.

My post followed you and ST for a reason, it just seemed like rather than reinforcing the facts that she really needs to focus on other things y'all coddled her instead.

I don't think ST and I coddled SMW. I think we offered her our opinions along with our compassion for what she is feeling and going through, and for her DH, too.

Now honestly GF, do you believe that SMW's focus today should be on a guilt laden email from her husband or on making her life easier and less stressful?

That was/is your perception of his email to her. I, for one, did not read it that way nor do I think his email is where her focus should be.

I believe she should take his feelings into consideration, address them with perhaps a little more compassion and kindness (they can go a long way), then immediately get back to focusing on her own life.

IMO, it's win-win.

How do I give him compassion for his feelings without invalidating my own?

I for one am a believer in eliminating the power that we give our spouses to affect our moods and actions. It just seems to me maybe it's time that some of you step up and push SMW a little harder in that direction.

Do not get me wrong, I think it is wonderful y'all are there for her when she gets down. I am simply saying that true friendship means not being afraid to point your friends in the right direction and even give them a little push sometimes. It is not devaluing feelings, it is trying to prevent those feelings from happening again.

Anyway, the goal for all of us is the same,we simply have differing styles for getting there. No big deal.....

I agree that freeing one's self from that "hold" is essential to one's own emotional well-being. I also understand what true friendship is and all that it entails, and I do not think anyone here is afraid when it comes to helping one another. So as to some of us stepping up, I think we are doing that. Perhaps it's just in a different way, as you have pointed out , and that's right - it's no biggie. Having differing POVs is what makes each one of us unique and invaluable.

Ok, back to you, SMW!

(((((SMW)))))

I value all of the different viewpoints and take all of them under consideration. That is why I often try to get input before sending emails. For the most part, I do not let him get to me. Certain things bother me, as they would anyone else--our anniversary was one, the holidays are huge right now. None of the kids (except D17) can ever remember him not being home at Christmas. I am too tired to muster more than my usual strength--I need Goldey's superboots or something.

SMW