Hey Tawnya...still around, just not posting much. Kinda hard to post when nothing really of note is happening in my sitch right now. Been busy with shopping, working on personal finances, cleaning house, taking care of the kids, and trying to have a little personal like. All Superman style!!1
Thanks for stopping by and checking on me..you too breakaway!!
I learned last night from my S7 that he's been keeping a secret that his mother told him. I'm not sure how long he's been holding onto this secret. In reality, it's not much of a secret as the W and I have openly talked about this anyway; but it's the thought of my S having to keep something from his father that his mother told him. Here's the details.
Last night, my D4 mentioned at dinner that she missed mommy. S piped in that he knew why mommy didn't stay at the house anymore and why she was getting her own apartment. Mommy has new friends, kinda like the friends that you have in school and she wants to live near them so she can hang out with them more often. she also has a friend that Daddy's not supposed to know about; but S said that he knew that I already knew about it. WTF?
So I asked him if he knew that it was against God's Will for married people to have BF/GF? He said that he understood that; and that mommy had told him that OM was just a friend. RIGHT??!!
so I made sure that I told him he was not in the wrong for keeping this secret. I asked him how he felt about all this; he replied that he wished mommy would JUST stay home. I told him the same thing I have told him before. Grown people are allowed to make their own decisions, right or wrong. We may or may not like their decisions; but it was called free will. He put himself to bed almost right after that.
I'm going to sit on this for a couple of days and approach the W about it after Christmas. For one, I don't know when she initially told S this "secret." But I want to handle it correctly; because I also have friends and don't want to seem hypocritical. But I also don't like having my children being forced to choose loyalty. That's fundamentally unfair for them. Make no mistake though, the W will have to discuss this.
The secrets thing is horrible. H and I have always told the kids they should never keep secrets from mom and dad. I mean that's really basic. Not a good idea. And the lying thing about just a friend. My H has done that too. I know S15 told me he knows it's a lie and D9 has called OW Daddy's new wife or girlfriend. So I don't think they're buying. He's just sending a really, really bad message and role model for his kids. B/c of that I really am anxious to kind of D my H. Their behavior is bad enough when they hurt us, but hurting the kids like that is unforgivable. Karen
{{Tom}} Ugh..yes the secrets thing is really a toughie isn't it?? I don't want my kids to ever feel like they have to do that and I hope hub never puts them in that position.
I have had to think really hard about how it feels to be "separated" this past week while hub has been gone, cause he was calling the kids during the weekend, while I was gone, to check in on them. I wanted REALLY to ask them how did dad sound, what did he say, etc..you know..but I just asked them if he called and if anything exciting was going on..and made sure on Sat since I came home early for son to check and see if dad had called (or he would have forgotten to check LOL) and so he called him back..
But I could totally see how easily it would be to play the kids and get info from them..so it really made me think about watching myself!
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
That just plain stinks Tom. That was very immature of your wife to ask a 7 year old to keep a secret, let alone a secret from his dad. That disgusts me.
I hope your son understands that he wasn't doing anything wrong by telling you. He shouldn't have had to carry any of his mother's crap on his little shoulders.
My very best to you Tom. Wave to my family for me would you? I have several up around your general vicinity. Missing them a lot this year.
Take care of you and your sweet kids!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
W has a weird opposite angle - she tells me everything very openly, and then when I point out that it's wrong to have a relationship outside of marriage, she says, "I have been completely honest." What?
Also, she tells D8 and S6 not to say anything, because it's her business, but then tells them it's OK to talk to Daddy. She knows they adore her, and will do anything she says, so she adds these little caveats after she know what they will do.
But you know what? I just feel better and better because I know that she is trying to hide, feeling guilty, etc, and my stock rises everytime she does something scummy.
Yup!! and I get to enjoy some batchitt tonight while she's at the house visiting with the kids..at least she'll make herself useful and wrap some of the stuff I bought for the kids...
Oh well..the process marches on..nearly have the BK paperwork ready for the L and then it's on to the D paperwork.
