As far as going dim. I agree with you depending on the situation. If W is not seeing anyone else then I agree with you. But If they are serious with OM, then going dim makes it eaiser to continue the affair without any guilt and without any interference - thinking that if it doesn't bother you, all the better. My W even wants me to date others so I can be happy too - and thus also leave her alone. It's just not right.
Even if you AREN'T ok with the affair, I believe being dark or dim helps with detachment. Detachment gives you the ability to work on making yourself stronger. I found in the early stages of my sitch; once I went dark and dropped the rope, I was able to concentrate on making ME happy. The W certainly wasn't concerned with it, whether I talked to her or not. SD, my W also wanted me to date. This is to help free her of the guilt she has for what she's doing. Plus I also believe it legitmatized what she's doing by bringing me down to her level. I've never chosen to date. I'm not prepared to take her back either; just waiting out the process.
For me going dim has saved me even though I disapprove of her actions. We only talk in the terms of finances, kids, and the associated logistics of each.
