A Sailor's Christmas

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

IMHO, I really didn't think his email was that bad. I thought he had a valid reason for what he said. HOWEVER, SMW has a valid reason for thinking the same thing. soooooo, there's the cycle. They are both doing the same thing to each other

I totally agree with that.

SMW, I apologize if my post might've made you feel as if I were invalidating you. That was never my intention. I guess I was just a little more focused on your DH's feelings after reading his e-mail to you because like ST, I did not think it was bad either, and I was trying to show you what I thought/think is an issue for DH - not hearing from the kids (and possibly even you).

I do not think you invalidated my feelings and you did give me something to think about. I don't think the email was necessarily bad or good. I just want to know why all the sudden he is even giving a crap. Unfortunately I do not think that is a question he is even capable of answering.

Now, I like the direct and to the point, however, I really feel there is a lack of personableness (I cannot for the life of me figure out a word to use, that's all I could come up with) And if I were her H, I would take this email that SMW is annoyed/mad and is done being nice. Now, if that is what she wants him to think, then I think, okay cool, now let's see what happens.

I suppose I was under the wrong impression then. I figured since that's what she wrote, those were her feelings and she must have wanted him to know. Otherwise, why would she write and send that email?

I also understand her frustration, though, of feeling like she's doing/done all that she can and is not receiving much, if anything, in return. Unfortunately, it is the cycle as you've pointed out. Now....how to break it???

I want some peace right now. The holidays are stressful enough under the best of circumstances. I have a houseful of kids who are constantly talking about "when Daddy comes home" as if it is a foregone conclusion, yet I got an email over a month ago telling me he hopes he is not leading me on. I really just want him to leave me alone right now and let me enjoy the holidays with the kids and my family. I am even resenting my inlaws coming over Christmas Day. I really want to tell them not to, that I just want my family around, but the situation is not their fault and I cannot take it out on them. So, how do I break the cycle?

anyways, since he is gone, he is unable to see SMW GALing, having fun, living a life. So, the only things he sees (unless other people are telling him things) are these emails. If they are nonresponsive, or even just "okay" emails, then how will this show him she has changed and the new life she is enjoying?

Does this make sense? I understand the concept of going dark and all. I just never used it. Perhaps, if my sitch had lasted much longer, I may have, but I think I would still make my emails sound like his choices didn't bother me (unless it was a boundary issue) and that I was having a fun life.

It makes a lot of sense to me. BTW, not sure if it was directed towards me, but I never suggested that SMW go dark. IMHO, when her DH is clearly reaching out in his e-mail that he'd like to hear from them, I don't think going dark is the answer at all.

This was the first email like this, GF. If he was that interested in contacting the kids, don't you think he would have started sooner? It has been over a month since the last chatty email I sent him (November 4th, to be exact). Is he reaching out? For what--the home he doesn't want to live in, the kids he walked out on, or the wife he doesn't want to be married to? Took him that long to figure out I was not writing???? I doubt it. He is feeling sorry for himself about being gone for the holidays and needs someone to blame it on. Since he cannot see that HE has created this situation, he has to blame me. No Christmas tree from home, no gifts, no cookies, no fudge. I barely got it together for my kids, why would I go out of my way for someone who no longer appreciates my efforts? The last package I sent him he never even acknowledged receiving until I asked about it, almost two weeks after he got it.

SMW, along with the kids, could you still send him e-mails, letters, etc every now and then to let him know how things are going at home? And not expect him to reply? At least not right away? I completely understand that you feel like you're already doing everything where the M is concerned and DH's actions/words frustrate you, sometimes to no end...I know the feeling all too well....but right now, you are the one here, sweetie. It doesn't seem fair, I know, but this is where we are, and we are here by our own choices.

Hang in there.

(((((SMW)))))

I could send them, but what if I just don't want to send them? I don't know what to talk about, since he is never interested enough to reply to anything. I don't know what he is interested in hearing about---the kids??? Maybe, but he is not going to want to hear the reality of home--the kids miss him horribly, pray for him to come home safely, talk about all the things we are going to do when he gets home--family things like camping, going to the park, going to the amusement parks, the beach, playing games, watching movies, etc.--the fact that the littles end up sleeping together every night because one or the other is crying from missing Daddy?? Yeah, I am sure that will go over well. Do I bother to tell him about my grades from school, that I have cleared out half the clutter from the garage, that I am remodeling the closet, that I am going to put up shelves in the garage, that I am painting the Master Bath? I doubt he wants to offer me color suggestions for it, since he doesn't live here.

I need to go buy some old plates at the auction to start throwing them, cause I am beyond frustrated with this situation.

SMW